Self Forgiveness – Self Acceptance – sept 23/09

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “I am not getting process” and everyone else is because I am not getting muscle communication, and because of this, that I will leave the farm and get separated from desteni, the farm, and everything here as support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fear being abandoned by desteni

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself leaving the farm in sadness, regret, fear, and unworthiness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I have these points within me that I am more messed up than others here, meaning, that the farm is not for me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to give up the point of “having to leave the farm”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry within me the thought/fear of “having to leave the farm”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as out of place here, because I am unable to support the way others are, and because of this, believe that I now must leave the farm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create inside of me the fear of having to leave the farm

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stop all thoughts, feelings, emotions, experiences related to “having to leave the farm”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value in the farm

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the idea that I might enjoy life outside of the farm, because than that means that I must go away from the farm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my reality is designed in such a way that I will never make it this life, that it is impossible, and that I must submit to this idea of not being able to make it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get muscle communication , because I have attached “getting/being able to do muscle communication” to staying on the farm and doing process here on the farm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to to be able to enjoy myself here on the farm from the perspective that I do not want to fear my desire to be here on the farm and do process here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear desires

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the desire I have to stay on the farm, and do process here, and within this fear, suppressed this desire within me out of fear that it may not turn out this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not being able to do muscle communication, because now I believe that I am full of systems and constructs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the fact that I am full of systems and constructs because in by denying it, I believe that I am stopping myself as systems and constructs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within uncertainty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being uncertain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself because “what do I really know” if at the end of the day, I can probably find a point within any decision I make that is dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad, at the realization that I am not effective at assisting others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I must be able to assist others, the way other people do because, that is the ‘real’ way to assist others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the only real assistance and support happens within muscle communication, and not within art.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want everything to work for me now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my process to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will always be uncomfortable around other beings, from the perspective of not being stable within myself around them in every moment no matter what. And within this experience anger within me because this has been a point that I want to transcend. So that I can stand one and equal with all beings that exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself, where in I deny the truth of myself, and attempt to force myself to do that which I think I should do, instead of standing here in self honesty from the perspective of actually “listening” to what I as substance is communicating to me, through me, and stop denying myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself, as that which I as substance is communicating to me through me as me, as my body, as ‘muscle communication’ because I fear what may come of it.

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to embrace myself within this process, and go with the flow, from the perspective of no more accepting and allowing myself to fear my process, from the perspective of it taking me somewhere that I don’t want to go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist my process, and resist, and deny myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself, because I fear that it will take me away from the farm.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to unconditionally let go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like the tarot cards are being taken away from me because I did something wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that now the tarot cards are being handed off to someone who is more capable to do them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to regret that the tarot cards did not work out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cuse my natural expression, because it is because of my natural expression that I was unable to get effective with the tarot cards

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within regret, because I believe I missed my opportunity to make the tarot cards, which was a project that I actually really wanted to do, and now must watch as someone else does the tarot cards

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in sadness over the tarot cards from the perspective of I see it as an opportunity lost or missed that I would have enjoyed doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within sadness because I actually thought it would be cool to do the tarot cards, because they are so diverse, and that this was taken from me, because I was not up to the challenge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cuse my ‘natural expression’ from the perspective that, I did not contain enough insight, and common sense to take on the tarot card project and so thus it was handed on to someone else. And from this perspective I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself, because I was not able to do the cards

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to accept me and embrace me as who I am in this very moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that, just because I am unable to do something effectively doesn’t mean I am less than another, or that if I am able to do something, that this doesn’t mean I am more than another, but I am me, and that’s it, no definition required.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject myself from the perspective that, I am unwilling to live this way for the rest of my life. Because I would not accept me as who I am currently existing as.

I forgive myself  that I haven’t allowed myself f to love me as who I am currently existing as.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to accept me because I have flaws

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am unable to embrace myself and accept myself fully with the flaws that I have, and within this statement, I am saying that I will not accept myself in this moment. Saying, I do not accept me.

I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to accept me no matter what

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to change myself before anyone finds out, or that it reveals who I really am inside me, and within this wanting to change myself before anyone finds out, I am making the statement that I am not unconditionally standing here as me, as complete self acceptance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must reach a certain state, or a point that I see as “worthy” or “good” before I accept myself, instead of just accepting myself now.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see the stupidity in believing that I must reach a certain point before ‘I’ can accept myself.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to decide now to accept me now, as who I am.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to stand open, vulnerable, to all, from the perspective that I no longer fear myself, as fearing that which is inside me, thus am able to stand as me as who I currently exist as without fear, because I am not afraid of people seeing what is inside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people seeing what is inside of me, because I judge myself for the stuff that goes on inside me and believe there is no way I can let people see this stuff, because I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for points existing inside of me that are sexual in nature, from the perspective of seeing that which exist inside of me that is sexual in nature as something to hide from, as something that is bad or wrong,  where,  I will not stand open unconditionally within these point of that which is sexual in nature within me, towards another, but rather conceal and keep these points hidden to others, which  indicates that I am judging myself as that which I am currently, instead of unconditionally accepting myself as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking some people in the eye because of what I have done in my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to define myself according to what I did in my past, meaning, where I am not allowing myself to forgive myself for what I have done in my past and release me from my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that If I release myself from what I did in the past, as actions, that I am not taking responsibility for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of that who I am as my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I must change before I can accept myself, instead of accepting myself now, not matter what, no matter who I am. And within this self acceptance, change myself within and as the starting point of self acceptance and self love, rather than the starting point of self rejection.

I forgive myself that I did not allow myself to see that if I do not accept myself, than everything I create as myself will than be based on that starting point of not accepting myself, and actually will never ‘improve’ so to speak, because in fact, how could I ‘improve’ or rather, bring myself to a point of self acceptance, if I do not unconditionally accept myself, but rather attempt to bring myself to that point where I will accept me, all the while fueling and motivating myself towards this point of self acceptance within and as the essence of self rejection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself walk in self rejection hoping one day, that if I walk long enough that I will finally accept myself.