Daily Writing – Oct 14 – Where is My Stablity

Where is my Stability. Over the last week I have experienced myself as anything but stable. Existing in fears, worries, concerns, judgements, self judgements, wonder, speculating, projecting, wanting, desiring, hoping, helpless, scattered, basically, I was just not stable. It was as if I was not able to “ground myself” and end up getting carried away in what ever it was I was doing.

The Solution which comes up in relation to this point is Breath. Breathing and focusing on Breath as a stability point to support me in coming back to earth. I experienced myself at times as if I was slipping, and or scurrying to keep up with those that were ahead of me up on the mountain top, and I simply was sliding way down the mountain side frantically attempting to get a grip somewhere and grasp onto something to be able to just keep up.

I found that I simply was unable to calm myself down, to keep myself stable and would end up going into these energetic experiences as well as experiences as if I was speaking about specific things and even though the words were coming out of me it was as if they weren’t grounded in anything. Like I simply could not get to the bottom of myself. A point of Stopping.

So why is it that I have not yet been able to establish a foundation for myself and an application of self that will actually stand stable no matter what happens in my world, so that I do not get carried away. It would be a cool point to do an SRA session on this point to look at the priority point of fear which is causing or the core point at the moment as to why I have been not able to earth myself or ground myself here in every moment where in I am silent with myself. There was much going on within my mind with regards to work and how things were/are going to unfold. Though the point I am looking at here in this moment is establishing myself as Here, so that no matter what happen, no matter what occur I am Here, I am stable, I am Here as myself and can simply direct myself in common sense, instead of getting caught up in knowledge and information, and fear, and thoughts and pictures etc. So I am going to explore this point of breath, and of simplicity. Because I see that I really require to find a stability point within myself, one where I do not go into comparison, into wants, into needs, etc, a point which will support me in earthing myself and remaining here as Breath.

I was reading Viktors blog and he mentioned a point about the earth “not having a judgement about a particular decision that one make” the earth is simply here. And also in discussions with Marlen where she was mentioning the point about establishing oneself in the moment, in each and every moment, where ones application is here in the moment. What I see within what she was saying was that the solution so to speak, is always here, is always available, and that that solution, that stability, and ability for one to remain here in common sense clarity of self in simplicity is Here where one focus on what is here in the moment and not go into projections as such and that who one is is their starting point in every moment, so to simply look at this, and trust oneself within this. I mean I have watched countless videos and heard many times the point of ones ‘power’ being in ones breath, in the moment. I mean I noticed that I attempt to create systems and structures to attempt to stabilize myself and have not yet gotten to the point of actually establishing myself within the breath as an actual real support point where I can actually stand stable.

I was forced into a kind of silence today. I simply crashed. After I woke up I had a headache and so decided to sleep it off, after 3 hours of sleep, I woke up and proceeded to work, but the headache was still there, so Laid back down, it was quite uncomfortable, after another hour or two I got up and the headache had released, I was grateful and experienced myself simply within a silence, I had in a way just stopped. Just gave-up on trying to “get everything done” So that was cool to experience myself as silent and stable for a moment where I had stopped. A cool reference point.

So the question that came up was, How do I remain here in and as this silence, where I am actually here and present in that which I am doing, and not caught up in my mind where in I am really only half here, and simply am unable to slow myself down to a silence to actually be effective with what I am doing and how I am applying myself. I mean I was ready to carry on, to just keep trying to plough ahead, and not realizing to the extent that I was completely lost in an energetic experience of a kind of frantic, survival application and just not able to slow myself down.

I see this point being related to money. Where a fear emerge within me and take me over and direct me, even so that I am not able to anymore make a practical decision. Its like I just lock myself into this fear, it is quite extensive. So simply forgive myself for the point. I am here now so I can start again.

I also experienced allot of comparison towards others, and judgements towards myself like I was not doing good enough, so here too also is another kind of survival lock-in mode. So the point here is to stop. So I am grateful for the headache from the perspective that it ‘forced’ to just f-ing stop. My body assisting me here. So now to reconsider why and how it was that I was so easily carried away. It was like a striving and pushing just took me over, there was no real slowing down, but rather day by day a kind of ‘getting lost’ and just attempting to grasp onto some point that is stable. Ok so the Breath, why the Breath, Because the breath is simple. The breath is simplicity, and so there is no attempting to become something or achieve something, or wanting or yearning, or speculation. It is just breath, a physical breathing in and out. There is no right or wrong in breath, there is just breath.

Within this point also I see the point of “The Physical” where again, there is no judgement within the physical. It is simply Here, and I am here too as the physical as my physical body, though I have created an idea about myself as “being something” other than this, when if I look from the perspective of the physical, I am equal to it and to all others as the physical as we are all physical bodies here as an extension of the earth and this universe as a physical existence.

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One Response to “Daily Writing – Oct 14 – Where is My Stablity”

  1. Valentin Rozman Says:

    Nice that your headache was gone in just couple of hours. I on the other hand do usually not get any headaches, but vertigo. Usually it passes in a day, but now it grounded me for a couple of days, almost whole week. The body is obviously telling me something. But what?

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