Environment Changing me is Not Actual Change.

I was looking at the point of what we as human beings require consequence to change. Or why we has beings, as individuals require consequence to change. Now the reason I place it this way as I have noticed this point within me where I rather than actually will myself to change my nature I rather let it play out until I hit a consequence which will then bring me to a point of actually making a ‘serious’ consideration to change my application, my participation, my nature, my behavior, myself. I place the work ‘serious’ in quotes because even though when there is a consequence I must face which then “push me” to consider change ‘seriously’ I see that I have/had not yet gone deep enough or taken this point seriously enough because what I find is that I don’t actually change. But “forget about it” until the con-sequence come around again and it is the same point over again.
So no matter how hard I look or take seriously the point of change, I end up forgetting and back to the same ol’ patterns. And even saying to myself to watch out for forgetting because I have been through that before, yet end up forgetting.
When I left the Desteni Farm I was a different person. And what I have found is that since being back in Canada I have really faced myself. Because now from a certain perspective I am in the “Matrix”, lol, that sounds so epic, lol.
So Here is how the story goes. I create myself within and in relation to and along with my environment for 26 years. Then, I am taken from that environment and placed into a completely new environment on the Desteni Farm. Then I start to apparently change which is all fine and cool, and I spend two years in this new environment and experience myself differently in that for this two years I participate within the world not like I had previously. Ok cool so now there is some “change occurring”.

Then take me out of this new environment and place me back in my old environment and what do you suppose happens. I go back to how I was living before – So what does this show me. That I in fact had not changed. From a certain perspective there was a process of change occurring but within looking at the point I see that this was more of an external change where I was more changing in response to my environment as a kind of from the outside moving inward kind of change. So when the Environment changes then I change, seeing as how the “Change” I experienced on the Desteni Farm was largely from the outside in.

I mean if would have taken a point on from the very centre core of myself and changed, more from the perspective of changing me from the very starting point of me…well not “from the perspective of” but rather had actually in fact gotten to the very beginning of me then it would not matter where you place me, and what environment I am in as the change that would be occurring would be from the inside out, and thus the change would be actually be a Self Change.

So in many ways this is the point I am seeing with regards to how I have attempted change and that no matter how serious I am about it that I always end up forgetting, as the change is more of an idea and the one Key Factor I see that I am missing is Knowing who I am and actually living and existing as myself here within breath. Because if I am Not Here, then how is change supposed to happen if I am no where to be found, how then am I supposed to change.

So from a certain perspective the point I am busy with now is not “changing” per se but rather ‘getting to self’ and being here with self, living and walking that self in every breath, so I can actually walk a point of change. And all it takes is one second and one moment to flee, to abandon myself and off into the mind, and actually not even realize it.

I noticed even today I was not Here, yet I was almost Here – lol. Because when I am Here, I know it, but today there exist within me this “point off in the distance” like “what is that” and so I go just looking out over there, just trying to see what it is out there, and in this slight diversion I miss ME all day. So specific.

FREE PARKING and FREE TRANSIT to Cities with EQUAL MONEY SYSTEM.

Free Parking For ALL.

I don’t think so, though with and Equal Money System, having to pay for parking will become obsolete as paying for parking is just another way the government enforces fees and fines onto its people as a way to siphon as much money as possible. This is due to the way the way the current capitalistic system is set up and functions around the world.

What happened to “flow of Society” meaning a system which actually support the ‘creativity’ and ‘functionality’ and ‘expression’ of the human being the society and the world.

There was an article in the local paper today discussing the new amendments to the structure of pay-parking within my city. Nowhere was there any discussion or consideration of making parking free for the community nor any indication of the government even being aware that it is in fact possible to do this.

Why not just make parking free – Within an Equal Money System there will be no need to pay for parking nor will there be a need for all the other various fees and fines around the city that are set up to suck money from the people at every corner – Literally as this can also be seen in traffic cameras placed at each corner/intersections to fine speeders which has very little to do with safety and more to do with making more money.

(Traffic fine revenues which totalled $36.4 million in 2010. The total fine revenue for 2010 is broken down as follows: $18.9 million – officer generated enforcement citywide; $10.9 million – photo radar and $6.6 million – speed on green.)

I mean the way a society is set up is quite startling when one see it is like one big vacuum which is designed to just fucking suck the money out of the pockets of the people.

Obviously this is necessary within a capitalistic system.

And paying for parking is one of those methods. Also paying for transit.

Within an Equal Money System the point/requirement to ‘generate’ money to live will be eliminated and thus along with it all the points which in fact inhibit our functionality and expression as a being on this earth, which are solely placed to generate money.

Don’t you find it strange that one must require to have money to live in this world. I mean look at this point, it does not make sense. A plant or a tree does not require money to live, it simply lives, it grows. The necessary requirements for the plant or tree exist is given unconditionally!

In our world we have taken what occur naturally and imposed a fee on it. I mean you do not have to pay a baby to grow. It is a process which occur naturally – Though what we have done is imposed a system that in fact Suppresses this natural growth, this natural expression of life, as we have Placed and Structured Money in such a way where you Require It to facilitate the best possible growth of yourself as a being on this earth, where IF you have money you are able to have a home, and clean water and good food to eat, so that you grow effectively and your physical is supported, and if you do not have money you are not able to have these things to support/facilitate your natural physical expression. Now that is completely fucked up.

Thus one can look at an Equal Money System from the perspective of it being more like how nature operate where the necessary survival points are “given automatically” rather than have to be paid for. Like for example Sun. I mean as humans we require sun to survive it is a basic physical requirement, just as we require water, just as we are unable to stand outside when it is below freezing without proper material support, ie: Jacket – The simple points which support our physical expression.

At the moment our system is set up where these points are not unconditionally provided but rather one require money first, and that not all have access to money. Thus within an equal money system all will be given a “Basic Income” in so that they can acquire the necessary basics to grow – food, water, shelter, etc…

Within an Equal Money System the Design of money will be re-Designed there will be new “rules” so to speak as to how money will function.
It will now simply exist as a unconditional point, like how the sun unconditionally give enough energy for all to grow. Money is the point at the moment which we use to facilitate our movement within this reality and buy our basics of life. Thus within an Equal Money System money will be designed so that it is an unconditional point and issued to all equally. It will be administered equally and unconditionally as we recognize that all require the basic physical points to Live and Grow, such as food, water, shelter, and that at the moment money is what one require to get these basic ‘survival’ points otherwise their expression is suppressed and will ultimately die if they do not have it – So to say some can have money and some can’t
is absolutely deluded and show the lack of ‘love’ that actually exist in this world. It is in fact playing God and Denying LIFE, I mean what kind of God do you want to be – One that Denys life to some and allows it for others – what a complete fuck up – Or a God that give to all life equally and nurture all points of this existence. Thus an Equal Money System is a System which facilitate the expression of life to all equally so that all have what they require – Not how the current system which is in place as the capitalistic system works, which is in fact a System that Deny Life to Some, and allowing it to others.

Suggest to get on board with an Equal Money System as we require a system that Nurture Life, not Deny it. We require to re-create ourselves as Gods which which provide for all that is here and not just for part of what is here

http://www.equalmoney.org

Investigating What it Means to Be Here and to Be Self Present.

So I was looking at this point of “slowing down” today. Also the point of how I only have so much ‘tolerance’ to do certain tasks for only so long and then eventually I have to take a break. I have been noticing that my attention span is quite short in that I often “take breaks” and work in “bursts of energy”. What I understand, and am working on correcting is not to apply myself within ‘energy’ which is clearly being indicated that I am doing, seen within requiring to take frequent breaks or only having so much ‘tolerance’ or ‘focus’ to perform a task. Instead of rather applying myself within a point of constancy and consistency where I remain stable and consistent in ones application so I do not crash, or run out of energy or existing within jumping back and forth between the two polarities of getting lots and lots done and then going to the opposite polarity and get absolutely nothing done. Rather I am exploring this point of Consistency as to direct myself into and as an application that Stands, and that doesn’t crash every few days, as so far this has been the case.
I have always considered myself to be disciplined which to me meant being able to “get tasks done” and not giving into laziness. Though at the moment this “way that I have always considered myself” is not coming through, but rather only existing as a hope at the moment instead of a living application.
So one aspect within exploring this point of how to direct and apply myself in my world so I stop ending up in the “crash” is the aspect of slowing down. So what do I mean exactly by slowing down. One dimension of this is “not rushing” interesting I have written about this point quite a bit and yet here I am again writing out the point again. I find this point of slowing down to be one of the coolest points of my process actually because of the moments where in I do actually apply myself within this point of slowing down, and how I see the absolute power that exist within this point of slowing down and remaining here. It is a point of Self Presence where one is Completely Here in what one is doing, and so for myself have found this to be a point or thee point which I see would really support me within my world, within this reality, and within process.
I also see that I have gauged my day where in there is only so much possible within a day, and that from a certain perspective I see that I attempt to do waaayyyy to much, and then there is this “holding my breath” that takes place as I move through my day not wanting anything to interrupt me or get in my way because if I step of track for even one second then I won’t be able to get everything done – I see that this is not Self Presence and Self Here and that this is not supporting me to become effective in my day.
So I require to direct myself in such a way that I have ample time to direct each point as if comes up and remain effective and “up to date” within the system where the bills are paid and I am feeding myself properly and things like this. I remember in art school and when I used to make lots of art work that I would eat not very much. And that today as well at the end of the night I was starting to feel hungry and realized that I was in fact neglecting this food point and not effectively feeding myself because it just takes to much time and I am attempting to “save time” by not eating as much or by eating out. So Even Here I see this as a problem and that I should not be within such an application where I am trying to “Save time” as this is indicating that I am behind and within an application of energy instead of just being here within breath.

Keep it Simple Keep it Stable

So a point opened up within me just now in reading a post. It is simply being accountable for myself in each and every moment and every circumstance and not accepting and allowing myself to “let my guard down” which is basically me going into my mind. And just letting my world fall to shit in no time at all. This has been a ‘problem’ with me I notice in my application. This absolute point of consistency and constancy. I have noticed that I am sort of consistent and kind of constant sometimes which really just shows that this point is not yet in place. Particularly since getting back to Canada I have faced this point quite a bit in getting my world sorted out, and getting a job, and just the basic practical points of “my life” I see that I tend to go into a kind of submission to the world, and to the system, and just not wanting to do anything, and I allow myself to go into this energy and then I stop being consistent and my world starts to fall apart. Then I pick myself up again and get back to business and am stable for a while but then eventually again this point creeps up and I give-in to “not wanting to do anything”. I see it more a fear and actually a point of Self Dishonesty and Self-Pity and Manipulation where I allow myself to go into “things are just too hard” and I always fall on this point of Directing my world. Which I see if I would actually Fucking Stand-UP in these moments and remain stable constant in my application and also to support myself through these moments using self forgiveness and breath, that I would develop my Self-Strength and effectiveness and would be much more directive and my world would probably “work better” And this is because it is mathematically so, where in I am simply directing more physical points and ensuring the practical points of my reality are moving and directed. The simple shit of basic human living – This is where I “give in” like not wanting to clean your room when it is obviously way to disorganized, not wanting to answer that one e-mail you know you should, not wanting to log online and pay the bills, not wanting to search for jobs online. So it is really the points that make ones world tick, and make ones world move. So I will do this and be able to sustain doing this for a while but eventually I reach that point where I start to strain. And that’s it. That’s the moment where I could make my life a whole lot easier by not making it more difficult. I Don’t actually have to do anything special or profound, but just keep consistently directing the basics of my world and actually remain constant and stable and effective and HERE within doing this so that I do it effective and not just enough to make it go. Keep it simple keep is stable

Putting the LIE in smILE

Ok I just saw the word ‘smile’ and it reminded me of an experience I had today at the grocery store.
I was going through the “automatic checkout” where you they have replaced the tellers with machines so the customer can “check out” their own groceries. So my machine had an error and I had to ask the teller for assistance. Now I have seen this teller many times before as though never actually engaged this person. So She assisted me with the problem and again once more gave assistance before I left. So now the ice was broken. As started to walk out of the store I noticed the teller walking my way from down the isle going back to her station. It was obvious now that this was no “ordinary passing” as she had assisted me with my machine and so I felt like there should be at least eye contact as I walked by her as a form of acknowledgment of the events that took place. I mean I could ignore her as which is normally done in occasions like this – Deliberate ignorance where each being just pretend not to see the other one. So I looked her way as a walked by and she also glanced up at the last second. She did not really have an expression so I ‘Smiled’ and then she gave a smile back, I mean the entire unfolding of events was very ‘unconscious’ so to speak, but brings up an interesting point. How a ‘Smile’ is used within this world. I mean it is used in a way to just keep everything moving. It is like the ‘Oil’ in the engine of the system which keeps things “moving along” “everything fine here” “I accept you” and this kind of thing. I see that I smile allot as part of my presentation. It is a way to manipulate people. Where I manipulate them through smiling so that no points of friction arrive. I mean I probably would have been grinning my way through the holocaust as I have found this to be the best possible way to “go unnoticed” and “be accepted” Its like I am attempting to smile people into submission – lol.

So people smile when they are hiding things, when there is actually stuff within them that they do not want to communicate, so they just smile and everyone smile and remain quiet.

When I look specifically at why I smile so much, it is to avoid friction as I have found it the best possible way to avoid friction. I feel like there is so much friction and that if I were to actually speak my mind for real instead of hide it behind a smile Its like the entire world would just shut-down. Like if there was a magical spell placed on the planet where everyone actually had to speak what was going on within them and were forced to work things out this way. Obviously this is the point with Self Honesty, that we get to a point where when we speak, we simply speak what is here within us. So there is so much unresolved shit right now inside each one of us.

Like when the homeless man smiles at you and asks for change – Oh God, you think that is a real fucking smile. Nooooooooo, the homeless man is manipulating, probably hoping he will either get money for having a Pleasant disposition, or not get punched for having a pleasant disposition.

And so Society just walk around smiling and smirking as this is the best way to glaze over the actual vicious thoughts and judgments we have towards each other. And we all accept “The Smile” as each one know that they do exactly the same thing so as a long as this is an accepted means of hiding then everyone will use it.

So smiling has become absolute deception and manipulation.

Nobody actually really communicates within this world and the interesting thing is we will eventually have to face this shit, and cannot go on smiling for ever. I mean well, we could go on smiling for ever but that really is just saying that we has humanity is going to go one LYING for ever and living a Life into eternity. I for one do not want to do this. I would be more interested in actually speaking to one another and getting to the core of who we are. Though at this stage Society and Mankind just walk around as Smiling Zombies – And the worst part is that they do no even realize it, they do not even realize the absolute deception that is taking place and that there is in fact a “real” being underneath all the deception but likely will never actually Live. The Real being – Who we really are is likely to just hide in Fear and Shame behind a smile until its too late. What a fucked fucked fucked up world we live in.

The FEAR Residing Within in Every Waking Moment

Ok going to write about a point that just came up as I was doing a vlog which has come up before or could say has not really ever “went away” but has always been here within the experience of myself, though given my experience just a moment ago as a reaction I had within this point thought Id write about it here to assist and support myself to open/correct this point as I see that the point is not at all ‘moving’ from a certain perspective but remains as a point within me that just sits there inside of me determining, directing, and influencing me within my reality, where in essence it is in fact quite a prominent point which I am sure is actually influencing me in multiple ways and that I have simply gotten accustom to just allowing so am here now “giving myself some insight” into some aspects of this.
So the point was as follows:
I was making a vlog and was making a few of them, talking about various points. I was not entirely satisfied with the content of the Vlogs though I was simply testing different ways of going about it and see what comes up in the moment. So as I was nearing the end of my vlog I was simply just speaking and I find at times I can “get into vlogging” and start to speak louder to emphasise certain aspects of what I am talking about. Anyways I herd my roommates get home, as I herd them talking and coming in through the front door. Now I have made some Vlogs while they are around in the house though not many as I prefer to make them alone, as I find they are actually not home allot and so I find I have ample time to make vlogs where I am alone with just me. So as I was speaking and I herd them come in , I immediately went into reaction and ended the vlog as quickly as possible. They caught me off Guard you could say. I find I am able to express myself better when I make vlogs when no one is in the house as I find I am able to relax more and am more comfortable when I speak. Though this point of fear that came up in the moment here requires to be looked at as it is still directing me extensively from my perspective as I have been noticing more lately how this ‘energy’ will come up within me in my reality in different situations so writing here as to be able to stabilize myself when this energy come up again, where in I will actually have some insight into ‘it’ instead of only just experiencing it and then thinking ok I better look at that. So have opened it up some here so will see when this comes again how I “handle it” as I do realize that I will require to walk this aspect of myself within a certain amount of process and thorough investigation as this point I realize is quite woven into the design of myself, and is nit tightly into many many if not all aspects of myself with its intricate root systems branching out and latching onto and within various constructs and ideas, thoughts and beliefs that I have formed and created and manifested as Me.

I fear having to face them (my roommates) later.
I see I am “not comfortable” with them knowing I am vlogging.
So from a certain perspective I have already “defined my personality” as who I am around them and in relation to them and ‘conduct’ myself in a certain specific way which is “agreed upon” meaning everyone gets along, and there is minimal friction. Though by vlogging this does not actually “suit that personality” which is why I do it normally when they are gone. Meaning I have not “defined me” as one who makes vlogs all the time, like while they are home, they regularly hear me and have gotten used to me making vlogs throughout the day where it has become a common experience – this is not the case at all.

One aspect of this is to “simplify things” by not having to get them involved with Desteni and what I am doing. I have discussed the point some though not to much in depth. They are aware that I make vlogs at times but perhaps not aware of the content I speak about. They maybe have an indication that it is “political based” Though I do see Desteni as a Mind Fuck for people, meaning “it fuck their mind” where no one yet in my world has been able to “take desteni on” fully, or embrace the process, but mostly resist it immediately or do not get it at all. Though the reactions towards Desteni I have found are not usually just a “brushing off of Desteni” but rather one judge desteni quite harsh, and have quite a reaction towards desteni, and so within this whole point of vlogging which I have mentioned, I tend to wait until I am alone to vlog because I am attempting to minimize friction with my Roomates. I enjoy where I live now and do not see my roommates “getting desteni” but rather more thinking it is weird, and then this causing friction and my eventual departure from where I am currently placed.

Its funny, one cannot simply stand-up and shout out to the world how great and cool desteni is so to speak because there are only a few Destonians around at the moment, and I mean in my reality, there are none actually physicaly around me in my world and so I am still in way required to ensure that I am functional in my current reality, meaning letting people believe that I am Here in this world as a Normal Member of Society. I mean this is how I function at work – Like I am just Here in this world as normal, looking for a good paying job and wanting to be successful. (interesting Here now seeing the point for the first time of how it is necessary for Desteni to Walk as a Group)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Standing-Out in my world as a Destonian out of fear of being judged.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how my roommates would react if they knew I was a member of Desteni.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to energetically react within and as fear with regards to what my roommates might think of me if they knew I was participating with desteni and if they knew what desteni was about.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people reacting towards me where in I am actually still accepting and allowing myself to exist within “energetic fear” created through and as the mind as thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speculate how others might perceive me if they knew I participated with Desteni.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of who I am as a participant of desteni.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing out in my world as I have a secret that I must hide which is me Standing Up For Life as a participant of Desteni.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself within my decision to stand within the desteni process.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto this world as the accepted and allowed ‘norms’ of this world where I have actually still accepted and allowed myself to “buy into” the ‘personalities’ of those around me and actually believe they are real from the perspective of me actually fearing the reaction of these personalities if they were to know what I was really doing, thus indicating that I am still in fact existing within and as the mind .
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what other people think of me as I walk throughout my day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the experience of fear to direct to ensure I do not ruffle any feathers in so that I remain practical functional within this world while desteni gets established instead of me actually directing myself within this point for and as myself clear and stable and not actually allowing the point of fear to come up at all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the secret thoughts people might have about me within there mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care and concern myself with the secret thoughts that people might have about me within their minds.
I forgive myself for not yet having allowed myself to let go of this world all together where I allow myself to let go of “the old” where within I stop in every way my participating through caring about what is considered normal or not as “normal” at the moment is simply an opinion within peoples minds, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the mind as me fearing what others minds think of me instead of looking at practically in fact what the fuck the Mind really is where I See in Common sense that the mind is a system of beliefs and constructs programmed through ones environment and that in fact no one is actually “thinking for themselves” but has in fact become completely brain washed – and yet I still allow me to fear what people think when in fact people are not thinking anything at all – it is actually the mind that has completely take over the being and think for the person and I mean the mind is a dime a dozen, meaning they are all essentially the same.
I forgive myself that I haven’t yet allowed myself to walk here as self trust within and as self alone within this world where I walk process for and as myself and realize that it is not about what anyone thinks or say’s or believes about me from the perspective of judging me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I must ignore what people think about me instead of realizing that it is about rather seeing in common sense and understanding “the actual state of beings” within this world and “how the mind actually function” within beings and stop taking things personally, as the mind is in essence automated and just running a program.
I forgive myself for not investigating the energetic experiences I have of self in depth in so that I actually start to effectively see how I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as, so that I can stop and assist and support myself to live here as breath as Life as What is Best for ALL.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “feel down” when considering never again going to the farm.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still want to do this process for others instead of for myself and getting to the point of where I am actually walking this process for myself.
I forgive myself for not actually giving a fuck about this world or the people or nature or plants or anything in this world except for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the experience I have of myself as “feeling lonely”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want someone or something else to take away this experience of me of “feeling lonely” instead of me directing the point myself, so that I am Stable Here, No Matter What.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself in my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself in my thoughts
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself in energy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from facing myself in my mind because it “happens so quickly” where I end up going into a particular energetic experience which is almost as if I am “not doing anything” but then when if I really look in that moment, I am in fact living and existing in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within deceptive energetic energy as that energy which one has become so accustomed to existing within that it is now simply natural to go into and in fact where one spend most of ones time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘idle’ where in I ‘idle’ as how I normally experience myself but not considering that in fact this is actually a resonance of self as the mind as who self has created self as and that within this one is actually existing entirely as the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a resonance instead of Here as Self as Breath.
I forgive myself for not paying closer attention to who I am as energy and how I consist as energy and all the intricate kinds of energy and resonant experiences and energetic states of self that I have that “make-up” me.

My apparent problems not actually Real.

So over the last week, I basically stopped applying myself and gave up on myself for a moment allowing myself to go into a form of depression and existing in the mind. Allowing myself to believe that this depression and “way I am feeling” actually has power over me and there was “nothing I could do”. Though I see now that this is not so – In one of the recent desteni videos I watched, the point was mentioned of how people who are homeless don’t have the luxury to have addictions as their world simply does not permit it as they are forced in a way to just focus on survival and do not have time to entertain addictions or such points of self interest. So this is the point that came up today as I was looking at this point. I realized that my application of depression and giving up myself was simply not valid as it really was only considering myself. I had given power to this application of “being depressed” and believed that there was nothing I could do to get out of it. As I simply did not have the will to direct myself within my world to do the necessary actions to support what is best for all. “Well how convenient for me”. Having food, internet connection if I want it, warm bed, movies to watch, house to live in, all of this, and there are millions dying this instant because they have no food to eat or basic support, and here I am not willing to support because I have some “emotional problem” I mean take away my food, my home, my car, my internet, my basic support, then I will have a real problem. As along as I have the basic physical support, food to eat, place to sleep, I have no excuse for why I am not applying myself in every moment. If I am unable to find the will to do it for myself, then I do it for those that are starving to death right now, as this is what I would want if I were in their shoes, for those that are actually capable of applying and directing themselves in this world to do so to support those that at the moment are not able to. So in Self-Honesty if I dare utter the word, it is obvious that I was only living/existing in Self-Interest, and not actually looking at my Actual self-honest experience/situation of me where really there was nothing but my own self created/accepted emotional problems standing in the way of me directing myself to support what is best for all. In other words, there was really nothing standing in my way at all. I guess though I was judging myself quite a bit, and was/am dealing with layers of emotional shit which actually becomes a physical experience of self, but I mean in asking the question of if I am doing all I can do to support and direct myself the answer is no, and that it is clear that despite who I believe myself to be, I am still physically capable of supporting much more effectively than I am at the moment. Ok.

Fearing/Judging the Truth of Self.

So Gian left a comment on one of the blog posts I made in regards to Self Discipline, where he mentioned the point of Breath and how he directs himself in Breath.
I went immediately into a point of Self Judgment towards myself in how I am directing myself in this process. Particularly in relation to thoughts and the amount of thoughts and backchat and pictures that come up inside of me within my world and how if I were to actually write about everything that comes up I would literally be writing non-stop as the amount of thoughts that “I allow” is extensive compared to not allowing any at all.
So I looked at the point of Gian being young and how others who are younger have less thoughts as they have less manifested systems and constructs inside of them where they are not as ‘integrated’ as their Mind Consciousness System as people that are 10 years older than them.
So I went into immediate Self Judgment and remembered how when I was at the farm that I had more of a ‘Guard’ up and was more active in stopping my thoughts. And now since being back here in Canada I can allow much more mind shit because I do not have to face anyone as where when I was on the farm I had to face myself daily from the perspective of participating with those who were actively stopping their thoughts, or even coming face to face with the the portal or dimensions or who ever was in the body and in that having the truth of self reflected back to self from the perspective of knowing that “nothing was hidden” and thus having to stand face to face with another being and have them see into you and what kind of mind shit you were allowing. So in this I was much more strict with myself in terms of not allowing mind stuff. Though since being in Canada I have let-up on this because I am more alone, and can just allow certain thoughts and not have to “fear of facing myself” Because that is also the point I recognized while I was on the farm is that one of the main reasons I “stopped thoughts” and was more disciplined in “not allowing” mind stuff, was because I was ashamed of the stuff that existed inside of me and so rather I stopped my mind from the starting point of fear, which I realized would not stand the test of time, and eventually I would have to stop my mind from the starting point of self.
So from this perspective I see that I still do not share stuff about my life my experience as I am ashamed of it, and ashamed of myself and essentially judging myself for who I have become.
This point revealed over the last few weeks as I started communicating a bit more to my mom and dad about what I was doing with desteni, and basically they have access to all of everything I post on Facebook. I saw that because of this I started to edit or change what I posted in my blogs in consideration to them. This is a complete fuck up and is a cool point actually in seeing how the family structure completely and absolutely fuck with human beings and keep them locked into their ‘pre-programmed’ personalities. In some of the e-mails my mom started to write she would say stuff like I am not thinking clearly and if I needed time to come home and ‘cleanse’ in way and “sort my stuff out” that I could. So basically here this is the point of my mother thinking that there is something wrong with me. So I noticed that in some of the stuff I would share in my blog posts I would share about experiences that I was having within myself and how I see myself and basically just sharing myself as we have been doing in the desteni process since the beginning. My mom interpreted this as “me having problems” And from a certain perspective this is what I also interpreted it as because I could see then that I would not want to share a point because I would be wanting to avoid my mom seeing what I was writing as me having some kind of problem and so I would not share certain things. Not looking at my reaction to this I see that I am still judging myself for who I am, and what I share. And also still caring what my mother things, and what my family thinks. Instead of me finding that point of trust within myself to be able share any point of myself and not judge myself or define myself within a point of self judgment. But actually I share myself unconditionally without judging myself.
So I see that I started to edit my blog posts on facebook because of “what if my parents see it” But this is actually cool that I see this now because I see that this is not a point that I am willing to accept and allow as myself and within this seeing this see that this is actually me standing up as myself and not accepting and allowing myself to be defined by and through ‘family’.
Where in I see that I will not accept and allow myself to limit myself and or exist within this “family construct” any longer.
So this is simply another stage if you will of facing myself and facing my family. Where now they have became a little more active and thus I am facing the point of now being able to still express me openly and unconditionally as who I really am, regardless of what they may think or perceive and particularly seeing how I actually was/am still existing within the personality of myself as Andrew as who I defined myself to be through my family as how I existed in relation to my family. And who they perceived me as and believed me to be. And so see that in ‘editing’ my posts that I was/am still existing within Aspects of myself as Andrew within the context of my Family. So cool now to “break out” of this construct and not accept and allow myself to exist as that Andrew any longer as that is not who I am willing to accept and allow myself to be as rather I stand up for and as life as equality and what is best for all as life support as “the truth” of who we actually are, and no longer accept and allow myself to “hide” within personalities and ideas, and constructs, as that is Not in fact the truth of Who we are, and thus I will not accept and allow myself to exist within an application of Hiding the actual truth of ourselves which is exactly what the family construct support – the hiding of oneself within an accepted and allowed existence of Hiding, masking and suppressing the real truth of oneself and who we really are in fact.
Now I noticed this point about a week ago with regards to how I was being influenced by and through accepting and allowing myself to continue existing within a personality connected to and created within and defined according to “who I was within my family”. Though another aspect of this revealed yesterday as I read one of Pauls posts he recently posted with regards to sexuality. Within his post he was basically exploring and investigating himself within the point of sexuality. Now I did not really read the entire post but more just skimmed over it, but the point came up of that this post was actually someone sharing the truth of themselves in terms of how they are actually existing as. I saw that I had in way not been doing this to the degree where I have actually started to suppress this point within myself. So I saw a point of shame within myself, in terms of there are still points I do not share or am ashamed of within myself and so within seeing this shame see that I am still judging me and holding onto judgments towards myself and that I – Why would I judge myself? I mean why not just forgive myself. And so see how I actually still have many judgements towards myself which “come up” in terms of how perceive others will see me with regards to the truth of myself, though within bringing this point “back to self” recognize that this is in fact a Self Judgment I have towards myself and that I am allowing myself to exist as, and not actually forgive myself. So must now really look at what specific points am I not yet forgiving and am judging myself for.
Ok Thats it for now.

Investigating this point of Discipline Further.

Investigating this point of Discipline Further.
I see that I have not been living this point of Self-Discipline, which is why I would then exist within a point of projection/desire towards the “Desteni Farm” (Mentioned in Preceding Blog)Because when I was on the farm, this “point of Self-Discipline was from my perspective being lived much more by me.
So the farm represented that actual potential of one actually being self-empowered and can actually create oneself into a highly effective being within this reality – And that is the point that I am not at the moment living within my own world.

What this entail specifically is that I desire to actually change and transform myself, and to become an effective being within process. This process of myself started to emerge while I was on the Desteni Farm, though I do remember I experienced points of dissatisfaction within myself towards “my application”.
At the moment in my world this Self-Change is not being lived. It is only being Desired to be Lived. So in Essence this point of Self-Discipline as I have determined as “the point” is The Key to Self Change. So contained within this point of Self-Discipline there are different aspects of “what this entail” or who I would become if I lived this point of Self Discipline.
I am seeing a point of “worthiness” now coming up with regards to if I were able to change myself that I would be worthy. And I would actually be satisfied with myself as I would be an effective being.

Here also with this point of Self-Discipline and Self-Change is the point of ‘Perfection’. Which again I am not living, and that also the same as Self-Change is related to the base point of Self-Discipline as the point that is the Key so to speak to bringing forth both of these aspects from the perspective of “a point” that I require to walk in order to, in essence, actually be satisfied with myself and which will Support me to Stop the desire and projections that have been coming up lately with Regards to Being on the Desteni Farm.
The point to walk can be encompassed Here as walking Self-Discipline.
A point which I can walk as a focus point to assist and support me to actually change, to actually be creating myself, and perfecting myself in such an application where I actually enjoy myself and am proud of myself so to speak. And am worthy in my own eyes so at the end of the day I look back on what I did, and do not regret that I was not effective enough, because I actually am, day in and day out, living the point of Self-Discipline within this process within my world, within myself, to the degree where I am satisfied with me and do not allow myself to go into points of despair or depression, within and towards myself.

I see the point of Living this Self-Discipline within a “Physical Application” where in I cannot just say for example, Live 21 days Self Discipline, I mean what does that entail? From a Physical Perspective I can Live 21 days of blogging, because that is a physical measurable point. And within the point of Living Self-Discipline I see the necessity to ensure that I am living this through that which can be measured, through my Physical Application or Actions.
So in essence Self-Discipline in itself is not tangible though within living Self-Discipline I focus on that which is tangible, that which can be measured. This way I ensure the changing and transformation of my world, where my “effectiveness” then is a physical application of self which can also be measured and is not some idea, but and actual physical manifested point so to speak.

If I look at my application of self on the Desteni Farm I see that I applied myself in the physical much while I was there, where my Self-Discipline was based in my actual physical movements, for example, I became more effective in working in the physical because I actually physically placed myself in doing practical physical jobs. I Became more effective in communication because I wrote more, and did more reading, and also speaking more to beings. So it was a physical application of Self-Discipline which Supported me to actually See Results. An actual accumulation of Self where I was actually changing myself so that I became more effective within my world, my actual physical world, and seeing experiencing results. Seeing the Change of Self.
I See that this process of creating oneself actually takes years and years of constant and consistent self disciplined living action day in and day out, thus it is not to have to rush this application as that is not the point at all. I mention this Here as I see that I have the tendency to become possessed by the point of Haste/Hurrying within my attempting to live Self Discipline so am placing this here as I see in order to get myself effective within this point that I will have to “sort out” this point of accessing Haste/Hurry, as this only ever lead to me to being ineffective, and crashing instead of simply Living the Point of Self Discipline as myself, Here within and as breath, consistent and constant as this what I see will support most effective in my application. Self Discipline is not Rushing, it is normal application. I do not have to move faster, but rather just apply myself more consistently in the practical points that support me within perfecting self and perfection my world.

Identifying Re-Occuring Projections/Desires – Desteni Farm = Self Discipline

A point came up with regards to projection when I was watching one of the Latest Desteni Video Uploads.
As I watched the video, I was looking at the point of how I keep having this point of desire/projection coming up towards the Desteni Farm.
So in looking at why this projection keeps coming up and what is it about myself that I am not yet living as myself that “The Desteni Farm” represent, which is the source for why this keeps coming up.
So the point that I am projecting onto the Desteni Farm which I am not living as myself but only desiring to live is the

Discipline
Self Direction
Perfection.

Though seeing the point of Discipline as being the key element here. As in terms of how I see discipline, it implies Self Direction and Perfection.

So this is the point – Discipline. Which I am not yet living and so rather than actually live and apply myself
go into a point of projection, when in fact what I am desiring is not the desteni farm per se but rather Self Discipline, where in I direct myself in Self Discipline everyday, breathing, remaining here and directing myself within Self Discipline as to accumulate and create myself into a being which I ‘desire’ to be. Meaning, when I was on the Farm, I was started to become more effective within my reality, within communication, within practical labour, within information processing, within many aspects of my life. It was like I was actually building myself. And that his occur through constant and consistent application. There is no secret or trick, it was simple constant and consistent application of self within a point of Self Discipline.

So this is the point that I am not yet living in my world, but what I am only desiring to live.
So cool to see this point.