Decisions in Jobs and SRA Experiences /Insights

I got up early this morning to shovel snow. I enjoyed the experience as there was not a whole lot of snow, so could just move in breath and still be done working at a early hour. The whole process this morning took me 4 hours.
I mostly experience me more effective in my day when I wake up to do snow removal and noticed that I have not yet established within me an effective platform/structure to be effective when I “don’t have work” where for instance I would allow distractions instead of directing myself.
I have spend some time the last few days finding a name so that I can start doing Logo Designs which I will use the name to operate with. I experienced allot of uncertainty in moving this point, partly because I have tried this point previously (graphic design) but reached a point where I “gave up on it” because it just did not seem to flow. But the point had still remained in the background which was then “opened up” again when I got an e-mail from a person who I had started doing some T-Shirt Designs for. She had not e-mailed for a while so was not sure of the status of everything, but it turns out she like the Logos / Designs I had done and wanted to do more, and so when this happened the point kind of opened up again.
I experience like a blackness, which I have described as a black wall in relation to this point. When I mentioned this point it struck me that this means that the point is not programmed in my life and that I actually have to create the point myself, as I experience like a black wall before me when ever I would give direction to this point, where In I had to push to make the thing move.
So I am taking this point on again, though from a slightly different angle. I am simplifying everything and just going for Logo Design, instead of trying to start with “offering everything” I think I will have more success this way as I can focus my words more specifically and really just not over complicate things.
I have experienced doubt in relation to this point, as it has not moved as quickly as the snow removal point. And because of this doubt creeps in like I am “doing the wrong thing” or something. Though also see point of being patient with me and not expecting this to just instantly work overnight, even though the snow removal point moves right away. I mean perhaps not everything works and functions in exactly the same way so have to consider this point and allow me to be patient here. I mean I could give up on this point right now, and “never know” if it would have worked or not. The same thing was with the Snow Removal. I simply “did not know” if it would work or not. So decided to practically move the point in the physical to see rather than just assume. So what I am finding with this logo point is that it may not be as simple to “set-up” or get moving, but that simply could just mean it will take a little longer to start moving. I called this guy up today that I had planned to meet for a job interview where I was going to start doing furniture assembly for him. I called him to cancel the point and rather use that time to develop the Logo point.
I am satisfied with this.
I could see that I was unnecessarily taking on too many points at once and could see that I would have to really divide my time up between what I was going to do for him and the snow removal point and in the end decided it would be better if I simply focus on the snow removal point and refine and expand this and get specific here first, instead of doing something else and not giving it the attention it requires to function effectively.
Today I was at the bank cashing a cheque and the cashier asked me if I did snow removal as my business, I was afraid to tell the truth because I did not know “what kind of power she had” so I said I was not really doing it as a business. I did not want her to “shut me down” or find out that I need some papers that I don’t have. I do not require a licence to run the snow removal though I am pretty sure I need a permit. Though did not have enough money initially to get one.
Basically I look at it like this. The system as lied to me for my entire life, and I attempted to do the right thing and be a good citizen and play by the rules, and the system just fucked me completely. So Now I do not play by the rules. I actually am more willing to lie straight to someone’s face who represents a point in the system that I require to “get through” where before I would have surely told the truth like a good citizen and would have gotten fucked by it. Obviously the point is to get the necessary points so that everything is legit, but I mean the system looks for ways to fuck you at every turn…so basically have realized the double standard ways of the system which eventually will catch up the system when people start realizing and catching onto this. I will do what I have to do to make the points work. I am not longer here to support the system, I am here to do what is necessary to support me within this world and bring forth a new system of equality that actually support its citizens.
Oh ya…the bank lady as it turns out was more interested in actually hiring someone to help her with her snow, though I missed that opportunity as I was afraid that I would get caught in running a business without the proper permitting and have to pay money or something.
Ok, otherwise my experience of late…I am Ok, but I mean I am always OK. I have been enjoying my SRA experiences of late and how SRA, really push one to become specific with oneself, after all once is communication with their body, and I mean within doing this, your specificity will determine the outcome. So have been exploring Muscle Communication with SRA, and pushing myself “out of arbitrariness” and “into specificity”.
I mean I found I experienced myself as “lost” much within doing Muscle Communication, and noticed an interesting thing. I am the only one Here. So then this experience of me being lost, who is responsible but Me. So in seeing this I realized that I must become more specific with myself in SRA and in a way if I do not correct this experience of “feeling lost” or things feeling ‘arbitrary’ in SRA, then they will just remain this way.
So have been pushing to become more specific within SRA so I no longer experience the point of, as if I have not footing or starting point or grounding, rather, I am the footing for myself and so take the opportunity with SRA to simply explore Self. Shit I experience so many doubts, uncertainties and turmoil, it really pushing me to question well, how is this possible, meaning how is it possible that I experience this right now, and really shows me that, Ok here is an experience within my life and within my world where I am having this particular experience so look at why.
I mean it is a New Experience. So yes there is uncertainty as I establish myself within Muscle Communication and establishing communication with my body. Its like I never actually really considered doing this before, as I am realizing as I move though it that, “oh ok, I am establishing actual communication with my body, Ok so how does one do this…and I simply allow the me to be unconditional in this point. To the best of my ability that is