Archive for writing self to freedom

Auto-Andrew and being Half-Here

Posted in destni 'I' process, Re-Creating Self and this World with tags , , , , , , , , , on March 20, 2011 by Author

I was reading some blogs just now and then half way through one of these blogs I realized “oh, I am not actually reading this blog” Have you ever noticed that with yourself when your only “Half Here” when you are reading something and just skimming through it.

What A fuck up. I mean if I am going to read something I may as well actually read the thing, no point in just skimming over it to “get it done” which was what I was doing. I also wanted to write this blog, and was separating myself into multiple places at once instead of being completely Here within the single point I am directing.

So first I will right this then, go back and read, and give myself the proper time and give that which I am reading my complete attention so I actually do read it, from the perspective of not separating myself into multiple places at once but being Here with myself as I read.

Interesting that this way of only “Half Reading” something has become so normal that I don’t even notice when I am doing it from the perspective of not realizing or seeing that I am in fact not really reading but just skimming my eyes over the information.

Another point that has been ‘bothering’ me today is my typing skills. I have been typing quite sloppy in my typing and not directing each finger to hit each letter in its correct placement but rather letting the hands just kind of type the words by themselves which cause me to have to go back and make many corrections, so rather thus, Be Here in typing. And Direct each letter as I type. So just some corrections in reading and typing to support myself to Be Here within my world so that it is Me Here in Full Awareness Directing myself so that I am not just running on AutoAndrew

 

Fuck I even noticed this “AutoAndrew” today also while driving, and I mean that is when accidents happen, when one is not completely here and completely present with self while driving. So noticed a few instances of this today where I have become ‘accustomed’ to a certain experience of myself, that I have come to accept. However this ‘experience’ which I have become ‘used to’ is not such that I am Here and fully present, directive and aware of my environment or myself. So I must flagPoint this.

 

So the point here is to identify / flagpoint this “normal self” which has become the dominant self in my day to day activities, and to assist and support myself to Stop myself from existing on auto pilot or only being half here, and assisting and supporting myself to identify when this occur and to stop and correct myself from the perspective of ensuring I am Fully Here, within and as Full Self Awareness in the Moment. And ensure that it is me here that is moving/directing my body, and that I am aware of my each and every movement, and each step that I take and make sure that I am the one taking each step and that I am not just on auto pilot. So to assist and support myself to become aware of each and every movement I make within my day, and make sure I am HERE within and as each and every movement/moment. And within this Stop participating / living in the mind, as thoughts, daydreams, pictures, emotions and feelings. And support me to bring through Me as Self Awareness, Self Presence Here in each and every breath. So that a New Me Emerge who is Actually Self Aware and Here in each and every breath and who directs oneself in the best interest of ALL.

 

 

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New Job – Preparation

Posted in Business and Work, destni 'I' process, Re-Creating Self and this World, Self forgiveness - Purification, Writing Self to Freedom - Daily Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 19, 2011 by Author

Before I begin writing this I am going to remind myself here, that what I write, is me. And that what I write becomes me. And what I write becomes my inner structure, and therefore to effectively support myself by writing an inner structural support that Stand as what is best for ALL, and that creates a functionally effective human being within the context of what I am currently facing , what I will be facing and where we are going in process in terms of bringing forth equality, an equal money system, a world that is best for all, and a human being that is dignified, self respected, trustworthy, and self honest.

So today I met with my new boss to go over some details of the Job I will be doing this summer, which is Landscaping. I experience excitement and anticipation to “get into the swing of things”, and noticed all sorts of questions coming up inside me that really are only able to be answered in time as I walk the process of the job and see what it is all about, and see where I am effective, and particularly see where I will require to breath and support myself to strengthen my resolve in certain areas. I see one area where this will be required is “afterwork” as the job I will be doing I expect to be quite physical and thus one usually is quite ‘tired’ after work, and so may have to breathe in these moments to be able to continue effectively participating within my written work and desteni process stuff. Other than that I at the moment simply require patients and not get ahead of myself. So Just breath and focus on remaining here and not going into my mind at this stage and creating imaginary worlds of what all will happen in the future to the point of creating anxiety inside of myself.
I am looking forwards to the job, and also getting a more consistent routine in place and have money coming in.
We have a SnowFall warning tonight for the next day or so, so my “ Snow Removal” job may be going out with a Bang Here, or rather…A Flurry!

The FEAR Residing Within in Every Waking Moment

Posted in destni 'I' process, Re-Creating Self and this World, Self forgiveness - Purification with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 9, 2011 by Author

Ok going to write about a point that just came up as I was doing a vlog which has come up before or could say has not really ever “went away” but has always been here within the experience of myself, though given my experience just a moment ago as a reaction I had within this point thought Id write about it here to assist and support myself to open/correct this point as I see that the point is not at all ‘moving’ from a certain perspective but remains as a point within me that just sits there inside of me determining, directing, and influencing me within my reality, where in essence it is in fact quite a prominent point which I am sure is actually influencing me in multiple ways and that I have simply gotten accustom to just allowing so am here now “giving myself some insight” into some aspects of this.
So the point was as follows:
I was making a vlog and was making a few of them, talking about various points. I was not entirely satisfied with the content of the Vlogs though I was simply testing different ways of going about it and see what comes up in the moment. So as I was nearing the end of my vlog I was simply just speaking and I find at times I can “get into vlogging” and start to speak louder to emphasise certain aspects of what I am talking about. Anyways I herd my roommates get home, as I herd them talking and coming in through the front door. Now I have made some Vlogs while they are around in the house though not many as I prefer to make them alone, as I find they are actually not home allot and so I find I have ample time to make vlogs where I am alone with just me. So as I was speaking and I herd them come in , I immediately went into reaction and ended the vlog as quickly as possible. They caught me off Guard you could say. I find I am able to express myself better when I make vlogs when no one is in the house as I find I am able to relax more and am more comfortable when I speak. Though this point of fear that came up in the moment here requires to be looked at as it is still directing me extensively from my perspective as I have been noticing more lately how this ‘energy’ will come up within me in my reality in different situations so writing here as to be able to stabilize myself when this energy come up again, where in I will actually have some insight into ‘it’ instead of only just experiencing it and then thinking ok I better look at that. So have opened it up some here so will see when this comes again how I “handle it” as I do realize that I will require to walk this aspect of myself within a certain amount of process and thorough investigation as this point I realize is quite woven into the design of myself, and is nit tightly into many many if not all aspects of myself with its intricate root systems branching out and latching onto and within various constructs and ideas, thoughts and beliefs that I have formed and created and manifested as Me.

I fear having to face them (my roommates) later.
I see I am “not comfortable” with them knowing I am vlogging.
So from a certain perspective I have already “defined my personality” as who I am around them and in relation to them and ‘conduct’ myself in a certain specific way which is “agreed upon” meaning everyone gets along, and there is minimal friction. Though by vlogging this does not actually “suit that personality” which is why I do it normally when they are gone. Meaning I have not “defined me” as one who makes vlogs all the time, like while they are home, they regularly hear me and have gotten used to me making vlogs throughout the day where it has become a common experience – this is not the case at all.

One aspect of this is to “simplify things” by not having to get them involved with Desteni and what I am doing. I have discussed the point some though not to much in depth. They are aware that I make vlogs at times but perhaps not aware of the content I speak about. They maybe have an indication that it is “political based” Though I do see Desteni as a Mind Fuck for people, meaning “it fuck their mind” where no one yet in my world has been able to “take desteni on” fully, or embrace the process, but mostly resist it immediately or do not get it at all. Though the reactions towards Desteni I have found are not usually just a “brushing off of Desteni” but rather one judge desteni quite harsh, and have quite a reaction towards desteni, and so within this whole point of vlogging which I have mentioned, I tend to wait until I am alone to vlog because I am attempting to minimize friction with my Roomates. I enjoy where I live now and do not see my roommates “getting desteni” but rather more thinking it is weird, and then this causing friction and my eventual departure from where I am currently placed.

Its funny, one cannot simply stand-up and shout out to the world how great and cool desteni is so to speak because there are only a few Destonians around at the moment, and I mean in my reality, there are none actually physicaly around me in my world and so I am still in way required to ensure that I am functional in my current reality, meaning letting people believe that I am Here in this world as a Normal Member of Society. I mean this is how I function at work – Like I am just Here in this world as normal, looking for a good paying job and wanting to be successful. (interesting Here now seeing the point for the first time of how it is necessary for Desteni to Walk as a Group)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Standing-Out in my world as a Destonian out of fear of being judged.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how my roommates would react if they knew I was a member of Desteni.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to energetically react within and as fear with regards to what my roommates might think of me if they knew I was participating with desteni and if they knew what desteni was about.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people reacting towards me where in I am actually still accepting and allowing myself to exist within “energetic fear” created through and as the mind as thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speculate how others might perceive me if they knew I participated with Desteni.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of who I am as a participant of desteni.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing out in my world as I have a secret that I must hide which is me Standing Up For Life as a participant of Desteni.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself within my decision to stand within the desteni process.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto this world as the accepted and allowed ‘norms’ of this world where I have actually still accepted and allowed myself to “buy into” the ‘personalities’ of those around me and actually believe they are real from the perspective of me actually fearing the reaction of these personalities if they were to know what I was really doing, thus indicating that I am still in fact existing within and as the mind .
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what other people think of me as I walk throughout my day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the experience of fear to direct to ensure I do not ruffle any feathers in so that I remain practical functional within this world while desteni gets established instead of me actually directing myself within this point for and as myself clear and stable and not actually allowing the point of fear to come up at all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the secret thoughts people might have about me within there mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care and concern myself with the secret thoughts that people might have about me within their minds.
I forgive myself for not yet having allowed myself to let go of this world all together where I allow myself to let go of “the old” where within I stop in every way my participating through caring about what is considered normal or not as “normal” at the moment is simply an opinion within peoples minds, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the mind as me fearing what others minds think of me instead of looking at practically in fact what the fuck the Mind really is where I See in Common sense that the mind is a system of beliefs and constructs programmed through ones environment and that in fact no one is actually “thinking for themselves” but has in fact become completely brain washed – and yet I still allow me to fear what people think when in fact people are not thinking anything at all – it is actually the mind that has completely take over the being and think for the person and I mean the mind is a dime a dozen, meaning they are all essentially the same.
I forgive myself that I haven’t yet allowed myself to walk here as self trust within and as self alone within this world where I walk process for and as myself and realize that it is not about what anyone thinks or say’s or believes about me from the perspective of judging me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I must ignore what people think about me instead of realizing that it is about rather seeing in common sense and understanding “the actual state of beings” within this world and “how the mind actually function” within beings and stop taking things personally, as the mind is in essence automated and just running a program.
I forgive myself for not investigating the energetic experiences I have of self in depth in so that I actually start to effectively see how I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as, so that I can stop and assist and support myself to live here as breath as Life as What is Best for ALL.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “feel down” when considering never again going to the farm.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still want to do this process for others instead of for myself and getting to the point of where I am actually walking this process for myself.
I forgive myself for not actually giving a fuck about this world or the people or nature or plants or anything in this world except for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the experience I have of myself as “feeling lonely”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want someone or something else to take away this experience of me of “feeling lonely” instead of me directing the point myself, so that I am Stable Here, No Matter What.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself in my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself in my thoughts
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself in energy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from facing myself in my mind because it “happens so quickly” where I end up going into a particular energetic experience which is almost as if I am “not doing anything” but then when if I really look in that moment, I am in fact living and existing in my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within deceptive energetic energy as that energy which one has become so accustomed to existing within that it is now simply natural to go into and in fact where one spend most of ones time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘idle’ where in I ‘idle’ as how I normally experience myself but not considering that in fact this is actually a resonance of self as the mind as who self has created self as and that within this one is actually existing entirely as the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a resonance instead of Here as Self as Breath.
I forgive myself for not paying closer attention to who I am as energy and how I consist as energy and all the intricate kinds of energy and resonant experiences and energetic states of self that I have that “make-up” me.

Fearing/Judging the Truth of Self.

Posted in destni 'I' process, Life Experiences, Re-Creating Self and this World, Self forgiveness - Purification, Structural Resonance Alignment, Uncategorized, Writing Self to Freedom - Daily Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 1, 2011 by Author

So Gian left a comment on one of the blog posts I made in regards to Self Discipline, where he mentioned the point of Breath and how he directs himself in Breath.
I went immediately into a point of Self Judgment towards myself in how I am directing myself in this process. Particularly in relation to thoughts and the amount of thoughts and backchat and pictures that come up inside of me within my world and how if I were to actually write about everything that comes up I would literally be writing non-stop as the amount of thoughts that “I allow” is extensive compared to not allowing any at all.
So I looked at the point of Gian being young and how others who are younger have less thoughts as they have less manifested systems and constructs inside of them where they are not as ‘integrated’ as their Mind Consciousness System as people that are 10 years older than them.
So I went into immediate Self Judgment and remembered how when I was at the farm that I had more of a ‘Guard’ up and was more active in stopping my thoughts. And now since being back here in Canada I can allow much more mind shit because I do not have to face anyone as where when I was on the farm I had to face myself daily from the perspective of participating with those who were actively stopping their thoughts, or even coming face to face with the the portal or dimensions or who ever was in the body and in that having the truth of self reflected back to self from the perspective of knowing that “nothing was hidden” and thus having to stand face to face with another being and have them see into you and what kind of mind shit you were allowing. So in this I was much more strict with myself in terms of not allowing mind stuff. Though since being in Canada I have let-up on this because I am more alone, and can just allow certain thoughts and not have to “fear of facing myself” Because that is also the point I recognized while I was on the farm is that one of the main reasons I “stopped thoughts” and was more disciplined in “not allowing” mind stuff, was because I was ashamed of the stuff that existed inside of me and so rather I stopped my mind from the starting point of fear, which I realized would not stand the test of time, and eventually I would have to stop my mind from the starting point of self.
So from this perspective I see that I still do not share stuff about my life my experience as I am ashamed of it, and ashamed of myself and essentially judging myself for who I have become.
This point revealed over the last few weeks as I started communicating a bit more to my mom and dad about what I was doing with desteni, and basically they have access to all of everything I post on Facebook. I saw that because of this I started to edit or change what I posted in my blogs in consideration to them. This is a complete fuck up and is a cool point actually in seeing how the family structure completely and absolutely fuck with human beings and keep them locked into their ‘pre-programmed’ personalities. In some of the e-mails my mom started to write she would say stuff like I am not thinking clearly and if I needed time to come home and ‘cleanse’ in way and “sort my stuff out” that I could. So basically here this is the point of my mother thinking that there is something wrong with me. So I noticed that in some of the stuff I would share in my blog posts I would share about experiences that I was having within myself and how I see myself and basically just sharing myself as we have been doing in the desteni process since the beginning. My mom interpreted this as “me having problems” And from a certain perspective this is what I also interpreted it as because I could see then that I would not want to share a point because I would be wanting to avoid my mom seeing what I was writing as me having some kind of problem and so I would not share certain things. Not looking at my reaction to this I see that I am still judging myself for who I am, and what I share. And also still caring what my mother things, and what my family thinks. Instead of me finding that point of trust within myself to be able share any point of myself and not judge myself or define myself within a point of self judgment. But actually I share myself unconditionally without judging myself.
So I see that I started to edit my blog posts on facebook because of “what if my parents see it” But this is actually cool that I see this now because I see that this is not a point that I am willing to accept and allow as myself and within this seeing this see that this is actually me standing up as myself and not accepting and allowing myself to be defined by and through ‘family’.
Where in I see that I will not accept and allow myself to limit myself and or exist within this “family construct” any longer.
So this is simply another stage if you will of facing myself and facing my family. Where now they have became a little more active and thus I am facing the point of now being able to still express me openly and unconditionally as who I really am, regardless of what they may think or perceive and particularly seeing how I actually was/am still existing within the personality of myself as Andrew as who I defined myself to be through my family as how I existed in relation to my family. And who they perceived me as and believed me to be. And so see that in ‘editing’ my posts that I was/am still existing within Aspects of myself as Andrew within the context of my Family. So cool now to “break out” of this construct and not accept and allow myself to exist as that Andrew any longer as that is not who I am willing to accept and allow myself to be as rather I stand up for and as life as equality and what is best for all as life support as “the truth” of who we actually are, and no longer accept and allow myself to “hide” within personalities and ideas, and constructs, as that is Not in fact the truth of Who we are, and thus I will not accept and allow myself to exist within an application of Hiding the actual truth of ourselves which is exactly what the family construct support – the hiding of oneself within an accepted and allowed existence of Hiding, masking and suppressing the real truth of oneself and who we really are in fact.
Now I noticed this point about a week ago with regards to how I was being influenced by and through accepting and allowing myself to continue existing within a personality connected to and created within and defined according to “who I was within my family”. Though another aspect of this revealed yesterday as I read one of Pauls posts he recently posted with regards to sexuality. Within his post he was basically exploring and investigating himself within the point of sexuality. Now I did not really read the entire post but more just skimmed over it, but the point came up of that this post was actually someone sharing the truth of themselves in terms of how they are actually existing as. I saw that I had in way not been doing this to the degree where I have actually started to suppress this point within myself. So I saw a point of shame within myself, in terms of there are still points I do not share or am ashamed of within myself and so within seeing this shame see that I am still judging me and holding onto judgments towards myself and that I – Why would I judge myself? I mean why not just forgive myself. And so see how I actually still have many judgements towards myself which “come up” in terms of how perceive others will see me with regards to the truth of myself, though within bringing this point “back to self” recognize that this is in fact a Self Judgment I have towards myself and that I am allowing myself to exist as, and not actually forgive myself. So must now really look at what specific points am I not yet forgiving and am judging myself for.
Ok Thats it for now.

Opening Up a Reaction To SRA – Daily Blogging.

Posted in desteni equallife network, desteni income plan, destni 'I' process, equal money system, Life Experiences, Re-Creating Self and this World, Self forgiveness - Purification, Structural Resonance Alignment, Writing Self to Freedom - Daily Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 22, 2011 by Author

Ok so a point came up today when listening to one of the latest points with regards to the direction of SRA and Desteni I Process.
The point was that some of the ‘groups’ would be now “going back” to do Mind Constructs for another 6 months! I emphasise this as 6 months I see as quite a long time.
And also the option was open for anyone really who wants to go back and do Mind Constructs for another 6 months.
So I reacted to this point as follows.
As I was not clear whether my group was required to go back or not I then saw that this would then be a decision that I would make from the perspective of being self-honest within the point and going back to do another 6 months of Mind Constructs so that I can effectively prepare myself to be and effective buddy where I am able to effectively support another through walking with them through their mind constructs from beginning to end.
I see that I want to be effective with this point, and to have a solid foundation and understanding of doing Mind Constructs.
So from this perspective yes of course it would be a cool support to do another 6 months of mind constructs.
Initially I thought everybody would be stopping and doing the 6 months of mind constructs which was cool. I was fine with this.
Though it turns out that some of the groups in SRA that are further ahead will simply continue on as usual. So when hearing this I had a reaction.
The point initially I see is in relation to “falling behind” and that those that are “further ahead” are “more advanced” and are thus “from my perspective” “not equal” meaning they have an advantage in understanding the material. And so here a point of comparison is coming up where I “want to be the best” where I “want to be ahead with the advanced group” why? Because I perceive that they are getting “more support” and thus will Self-Realize quicker. Or just overall, more effective and aware and directive in process. So I see that within this point I am “wanting support” as one of the “Key reactive points” was this point of them getting “more support”
Ok so am seeing a point of inferiority here as well, where I am seeing myself as “less-than” those that are able to move on and keep working on SRA. Particularly working with Resonances.
I have been wanting to start working with the Resonances because the support one receive through this process is always very cool, though my starting point for ‘Wanting’ this is simply just that – It is “A Want” where in I am limiting myself by “holding myself down” from the perspective of “wanting to, or waiting for” the Resonances to “tell me what is going on with me” and that I perceive that I can get ‘better assistance’ from than, than I can give to myself.
I also see here the correction which is simply pushing myself to support myself and push me to go deeper and deeper into self and will myself into and effective application of self support and self investigation where I direct myself to uncover me and no more accept and allow myself “wait around” for Bernard or Resonances to “give direction” from the perspective of placing these two points in my world as “the ultimate points” and there in accepting and allowing myself to stand “less than” these two points, instead of me simply “walking into the unknown” where I push and develop ways to support me that I have not yet explored, where in I actually really investigate me, and get to know myself, and realize that I am able to actually effectively support myself with just me alone though my own self directed self willed application.
This Reaction I Had was also in relation to “my ability” to do Muscle Communication, and I can see also that I ran into a bit of a snag with the last few points on my most recent SRA lessons with Leila as my buddy, and so went into a point of fearing, when hearing this point today, that I am not effective enough in Muscle Communication and thus I would be “held back” and go back and do the 6 months of Mind Constructs.
I also “see myself” as ‘struggling’ with the Resonance Work, like “my foundation” is not stable, so here am actually seeing me in the future on chat with resonances and them asking me to test a point and I “am lost” Ok so seeing a memory here now wanting to emerge out of the darkness about school. Like the experience one have in school where you simply do not know the answers, and are left “feeling lost” and have no grounding. And so in this Future Projection I am on chat with resonances and they are asking me to test some information and I am struggling and fumbling and it is clear that I am not prepared and they are waiting for me but seeing that I am “just trying to keep up” and not effectively prepared. Shit this is quite a specific projection, though am not seeing a specific memory that this related to, simply the ‘general memory’ of how this “type of experience” would be one that one would have in school or something like this. Though also seeing a point of “Hockey” coming up here, where I used to go to Hockey Schools and Camps, and some of them were “more competitive” and really preparing you to play in competitive hockey and so I would “step into these” scenarios where I felt a bit “out of place” as everything was moving so fast and I was there “just trying to keep up” and so there was always allot happening on the ice, and players going everywhere and coaches shouting out orders, and particularly if this was a “new team” or “situation” I would really have to focus on ensuring that I “understood” each point clearly, as the coaches made it clear that if you do not understand how to do the drill – Don’t Go! And this meant you go to the back of the line and basically get a “black mark” on your name as they see you “did not understand what they say” Fuck this was a pressure cooker experience. And so you would watch the players ahead of you run through the drill, and you would focus intently on them and observe what you were supposed to do, and then it was your turn and Fuck you better get it right, and so the drill would begin and you (I) would “give it my all” as often you were doing tryouts, or even just “trying out” all the time, as to “earn more ice time” or when I would be “trying to make a team” Quite a stressful experience.
So this projection of me with resonances on chat is similar to this Hockey Experience, where I see me on chat and experience myself to “have lost it” meaning just can’t get a grasp on anything, and experiencing me as not having a handle on the information and also see the point of “letting them down” when there is that moment where they realize that “I am out of my league”
Ok this phrase is specific here this being “out of my league” as this definitely bring up the point of inferiority and just not being good enough.
Ok so the point coming through here is “Not being good enough” though I will explore now some other aspects of my reaction to this point of now the point being open of “going back to do 6 months of mind constructs”
I am seeing myself as unworthy in Muscle Communication, and thus also in process, as the point with MC simply indicate that I am “missing some points” and that this will cause me to “fall back” into my “rightful place” – So here again the point of inferiority.
What is interesting also is wanting to be up with the advanced group, wanting to be in the “in crowd” wanting to be ahead of the game and leading, but specifically this point of wanting to in the “in crowd”
Its like the point of starting out with a group of people and then you all walk together, and as you walk the “group separates” and starts to split up based on skill and potential and ability, and I end up “falling back” based on my skill and get separated from “my friends”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into reaction with regards to the new SRA course structure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “not know” what I should do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “exist within a state of doubt and uncertainty” by allowing myself to exist within a point of “not knowing”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I really “do not know”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and define myself according to where I am in my SRA course, and within doing this “make decisions” based on strengthening my personality which I have created as “who I am within how I have defined me within my SRA course” instead of making a decision that is based on actual practical self support and doing what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going back and doing 6 month of Mind Constructs, as I fear getting stuck behind.
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as superior to others who are further back in SRA.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “lock into” my personality, instead of stopping all personality and ego, and remaining here as breath as Self Support.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught up in personalities within supporting me and in doing this “forget about me” altogether and never actually get to a place of me as the starting point of my direction within self support.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “lock into” a point of fear with regards to me not being prepared for the next Resonance section of SRA.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to based my decisions, and make my decisions from a point of energy and reaction, instead of from a point of self honesty and self support where I allocate myself within the equation and simply look at the common sense of the point and what would be most effective as a point of support. It is not about “who your friends are”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine and define my application in relation to “whos around me” which is indicating that I am not yet standing equal to each and every one in process and more specifically I am not yet standing as the starting point of my world where it does not matter where I am, but that I am constant, consistent, the same in my application in each and every point that I stand.
Thus I see this point of me being the starting point of myself within process, within my application, and within self support, where it does not matter where I am, and who I am with, as I support me the same where ever I am and not longer accept and allow me to limit me within my self support from the perspective of believing that I must be in “advanced groups” to have effective self support but rather it does not matter where I am within what group or what level, I decide that I am the director of me and that I support me effectively and do not accept me to limit my potential self support, and thus from this perspective I am always the source of how effective I am within process, not who is around me or supporting me.
This is actually a cool point that is emerging and that has been coming up over the last few days, where I am starting to see the point of not limiting myself in “what I am capable in” meaning “I take the reins” so to speak, and start pushing myself to support myself and expand my application, and ways I support me. And push me to become more specific in how I support me, and as well in my writing.
No one is going to walk process for us. We must walk process, and we are the ones that determine “the pace” we move, though I do not see it as a point of rushing, but rather a point of inevitability where one will decide to be more effective within application, and that “this decision” can be done now or later.
Ok slowing down a bit here, I really “rattled through” that mid section.
Ok so I did react to this SRA point.
I was even discussing this point with Marlen on Chat and experienced my writing to immediately tense up, as I tensed up inside and became more ridged which I identified as a point of “Mind” as I started to explain and talk about the SRA Re-structuring. And how I “did not know what I would do”
I want to simply continue on as is. Particularly because now I have just started into doing more MC and see this as a point which I would simply like to direct. I have struggled with this point of MC and so am finding within the new lessons that because there is much MC going on that it is a cool platform for me to actually stabilize the point. And so from this perspective would like to continue moving with the lessons where I am now. On the other hand, 6 months of Mind Constructs would be fucking awesome, though I see that I would still not be directing this point of MC which is “the point” so to speak, which I would like to direct, and am in the process of doing so.

Support Point for Not Knowing What to Write – Unconditional Self Forgiveness

Posted in destni 'I' process, equal money system, Life Experiences, Writing Self to Freedom - Daily Writing with tags , , on January 16, 2011 by Author

Support Point for Not Knowing What to Write – Unconditional Self Forgiveness

Ok going to give some notes Here – This was over a year ago and I think I was back in Canada from the farm or maybe about to go there for the first time. I was participating on the forums and writing Self Forgiveness and writing and basically what we are all still doing now.
Anyways I noticed for about a period of a week or two Cerise started to post SF on her thread on the forum. She did not post a whole lot, though for this period she starting posting SF. Now what was cool about this SF that I observed is that it had “no structure” so to speak. Meaning from what I saw it looked like she just basically made a point to write “Unconditional Self Forgiveness” Its like letting go of all the self judgement and worry of how things are supposed to be and just fucking writing self forgiveness. So was a very cool supportive point for me at the time.
I immediately took that point on myself and have been utilizing this ever since and have found it to “come in handy” as a practical support method to support oneself when they are not sure what to write or how to do it.
I have found when I am ‘stuck’ I allow myself to write unconditional SF, where I just start writing it as a point of realizing OK, I feel stuck or am not sure what to do here, and so just “Write Unconditionally” And really let myself write what ever comes up, just start forgiving points, and not worry or judge it, just write anything really that comes up in that moment.
Obviously it is cool to develop ways to support self within effectively structuring your SF as well, though at times sometimes one just require to write and to let it out. So it is in times like this that I apply this method of writing unconditional SF.

Unconditional Self Forgiveness In the Moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “get stuck” in my world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back writing self forgiveness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want everything to be perfect without allowing myself to walk the necessary steps of Living perfection into existence.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as being ineffective within my process within my ability to structure my writing and vlogging and basically information processing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I do not effectively understand the new desteni lessons for SRA
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and worry and fear in the hidden corners of myself where I suppress this experience of self as it takes place hidden under much stuff so do not even realize it is happening.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stop directing myself witin a structured directed way within using the excuse that I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there must always be something going on, instead of allowing myself to just be here and breathe when things slow down.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base my application of the “results I get” instead of establishing a more consistent application of self where I am HERE in every moment within self specificity in every moment where in I am HERE with and as self.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not doing any SRA today.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking about “what I am doing” out of fear it will not happen.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the nature of me to simply remain as it is and not actually take on any points or take on the nature of me in fact where I actually take apart the nature of me and change myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within sexuality from the perspective of participating within the point of sexual energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify accessing sexual energy.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to just stand here as self as breath when the moments come up where I see a point of “sexual energy” which is triggered which I can participate in.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must or have to for some reason continue participating within this kind of energy, instead of standing firmly on this point of Not accepting and allowing myself to participate within this point of sexual energy in any way shape or form from the perspective of me actually now taking this point on at its core root where In I am taking on this point as a manifested point as the nature of myself, and in order to actually “take the point out” I must take it on absolute, taking into consideration all parts of this system manifestation of self and Stop my participating within sexual energy.
Thus when I encounter a moment where a sexual energetic point moves within me, I realize exactly what it is and I stop. I do not go there, as I see to “go there” is in fact a deliberate act. I stop, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to this energy that stirs within me, and I allow me to release the point, and to release the desire to participate with this energy.
If I do not stop this point within me, it will never stop by itself but always reoccur and exist as me, thus the effectiveness of my stopping and disentangling myself from this point and taking it out is dependent on my application. No one else determine the experience of me in process but me. No one else determine what I can see and what I can not but me. If I do not push self specificity of self, no one will.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate the point of self specificity to others, where in I wanted others to support me to become more specific with me instead of realizing that this is ‘impossible’ from a certain perspective and that I am the one who actually determine everything about my application.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from specificity
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my power and abdicate my power as specificity where in I did not realizing it was/is up to me to determine for myself my experience within this process.
I forgive myself for not realizing that it is up to me to determine my own experience, my own standing and my own specificity in process.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my mind in my world instead of me directing myself and there in when I direct me become more specific with me in my world.
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by boredom instead of me determining my direction in every moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed energy to direct me which is in fact the patterns of self as the nature of self – It is me as how I have programmed me and to allow that point of ‘energy’ or ‘mind’ or ‘patterns’ to direct me, I will never get specific with self within this process, and I will never change, thus I realize that my effectiveness within this process is in my will to Stop the Mind, and no more accept and allow myself to just exist as a fucking robot who never changes. Yes it will take hard work and me to push through resistance, as I push through the accepted nature and existence as me and re-form me into Life, into a self empowered, self directed point of life expressing itself as life as what is best for all life.

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