New Job – Preparation

Before I begin writing this I am going to remind myself here, that what I write, is me. And that what I write becomes me. And what I write becomes my inner structure, and therefore to effectively support myself by writing an inner structural support that Stand as what is best for ALL, and that creates a functionally effective human being within the context of what I am currently facing , what I will be facing and where we are going in process in terms of bringing forth equality, an equal money system, a world that is best for all, and a human being that is dignified, self respected, trustworthy, and self honest.

So today I met with my new boss to go over some details of the Job I will be doing this summer, which is Landscaping. I experience excitement and anticipation to “get into the swing of things”, and noticed all sorts of questions coming up inside me that really are only able to be answered in time as I walk the process of the job and see what it is all about, and see where I am effective, and particularly see where I will require to breath and support myself to strengthen my resolve in certain areas. I see one area where this will be required is “afterwork” as the job I will be doing I expect to be quite physical and thus one usually is quite ‘tired’ after work, and so may have to breathe in these moments to be able to continue effectively participating within my written work and desteni process stuff. Other than that I at the moment simply require patients and not get ahead of myself. So Just breath and focus on remaining here and not going into my mind at this stage and creating imaginary worlds of what all will happen in the future to the point of creating anxiety inside of myself.
I am looking forwards to the job, and also getting a more consistent routine in place and have money coming in.
We have a SnowFall warning tonight for the next day or so, so my “ Snow Removal” job may be going out with a Bang Here, or rather…A Flurry!

Equality Either Lives or Dies by Your Hand.

I see that I wanted equality to manifest, to happen, and then YAH it would be here, be accepted and then one would be able to expressive themselves within this point of equality. Yet I missed the point of “how it would get here” I missed the point that this is actually directly related to my participation. I did not see this, even though I have been told this before, numerous times, but this point escaped me, This point as the clear blue sky became clouded and foggy and I could no longer see this point but all I see is the clouds and the fog. So there is a momentary clearing here so I am writing this down as a record of what I see. I see that Equality is directly related to my participation and expression as equality. The equality that I see and have come to understand within my participation in process is a point which not many see, and this “Not Many” is less than what I even perceive I am sure.

I see that I was waiting for equality to come.
I see that I did not see myself as the one to bring forth equality.
I see that my direct participation with and as equality is directly related to if, when, and how equality emerge.

Thus if I hold back, if I wait, then equality sit there dormant. Why…My understanding is as follows.
Because people do not understand what equality is as it is being shared in process. Equality is not programmed, meaning it has no points to connect to within the current system. It has no place in the current system. Equality does not exist within this world as this world is this system which has no room for equality…why? Because equality will destroy the system. Why would anything make room for something that will destroy it. Lol.

This world is designed to make sure than anyone which support life and self expression feels inadequate. As they become inadequate in the system as that which they support is actually not a part of the system, thus it cannot connect to the system, they cannot connect to the system and end up with not system support, no money, no voice, and perceive themselves as inadequate.

So yes I see that I had “sat back” and was waiting. Waiting for more people to come forth and support equality, not considering the point that these people do not just “come forth” but that they must be ‘gotten’ meaning, would I have even realized the point of equality if I had not see a desteni video. Unlikely as I see that the context that desteni presented was not something that I had herd anywhere before. It was as if the entire context of Desteni was “out of this world”

Equality is not pre-programmed but must be a self-directive Act. Meaning nothing is going to come to me and say “Hey please talk to me about equality” or I am not going to suddenly stumble upon some ‘outlet’, out there in the system that is a match for my equality ‘plug’ Essentially I see that I and that we within the desteni process are the source of equality and thus it is not “out there” anywhere. We are the very edge, the very outside ripple of equality expanding through our self will and self direction into an ocean that has never touched equality before.
Like giving birth to equality if those that stand for equality sit back and wait, then equality also sit back and wait.

I have yet to take an “active role” in bringing forth equality by introducing it to others, yet I now see that if I do not introduce it, if I do not bring it forward and place it into someone’s life, they will never see it. They will never have the opportunity that I had when desteni place themselves into my world through by placing the website and placing the videos.

It seems difficult at times when my entire world do not understand equality, but it is common sense that if I sit back and wait…that, because the entirety of my world is not aware of this point, that there is no point within my world that will bring this point of equality into it. Thus I cannot wait for it. I am the point within my world that must bring forth the point of equality and the emergence of equality is from this perspective my responsibility. The question is. Why do I give up and give in on this point – Do I really want equality in my world. Am I really willing to do what it takes to bring this point forth into my world so that equality does not only exist within my bedroom! But exist also in my household, my world environment, etc. If I do not ‘spread’ equality than thats it, it stops. ‘Spreading’ Equality is not preaching equality. I cannot convince someone of equality, but I can ‘introduce’ it to them. So that is the point I see. That I am able to introduce equality into my world. And that within this context, Equality either Lives or Dies by my Hand

Anxiety Demon – Shoulders and Back Pressure

I had an interesting point come up today. I could see today that I was experiencing quite a bit of anxiety. I could immediately identify that yes I was experiencing this anxiety but was not able to pin-point exactly why, or what was the point or points that I was working with/ dealing with.
So this energetic possession I experienced moving within me was quite prominent, and I did experience myself being possessed by it as I was not able to relax. This was quite strange because there was not “real reason” why I would be experiencing this point today. From a certain perspective it seemed out of context, that is why it was so odd. Firstly because it was out of context, and secondly it just kind of came over me…in fact if I look I see that I was experiencing this point when I woke up this morning.
I have been busy lately and having to direct and move many points so I can relate this energetic anxiety to this, though even in looking at/investigating these points today in relation to this experience I was having, it had no affect on this energetic experience take over. I experienced allot of pressure in my upper upper back, in my shoulders. This point did not “move into a headache” as it often does, but rather I experienced a compounding build up of pressure moving into, and in a way being stored in my shoulders which created quite a pressure and pain and strain there. It was a heaviness there also and a tenseness, so like this anxiety within myself accumulating and building up and sitting in my upper back shoulders area.
Then at around 9 oclock tonight the point released. I do experience still traces of this , though I experience myself as more relaxed and actually able to stop. As one of the characteristics of this energetic possession I experienced today is not actually being able to stop. Its like I am stuck on auto mode and I just do stuff, though am not able to be here, and to stop. Its like I am unable to stop myself.
There was one specific point which I did eventually get to tonight at around the time I experienced this energetic point release, which was the point of writing some content for my website, but in assessing my daily activities today I did not see that I was suppressing this point, but that I would eventually get to it, which I did, though here, to simply consider the point of am I able to be more specific with myself and that as I move within my process I will require to become more and more specific within myself and within my self-direction.
The content I did eventually “get to” around the time the energetic possession point released had to do with sorting out basically the “money aspect” business I am developing. I had some reservations and uncertainties about facing this point as I did not know exactly how I would place the content and also see a point of ‘doubt’ or ‘inadequacy’ within this point I was facing where I saw myself as “not equal to the task”. The task being the service which I will be offering in the business and more specifically the money that I would be asking for it. As the service alone I am confident of, it is when money gets involved that I start to go into a reactive state.
I see that I did “create the point” to be ‘important’ where I gave it a certain value as I had actually feared it and was uncertain about it so was in my day often looking at the point and so from this perspective building it up and so experienced some nervousness towards approaching it, but also wanting to get it moving as well.
Ok well that’s all for tonight.
Andrew.

Breath Walking – Desteni Process Blog.

Today I was up early to shovel snow. And again tomorrow as well. The forecast is calling for a few days of snow coming up so I will be breathing and simply walking one day at a time.
I have noticed a bit of a tendency lately to slightly go into a form of ‘pushing’ from the perspective of ‘pushing within and urgency’ So this is a Red Light as the point as I see it is to Stop. And no more accept and allowing that ‘urgency’ to direct me, to come in through the back door and kind of massage its way ‘into me’ without me noticing.
I worked on some graphic design stuff today, as well as mind construct stuff and other computer work. Though as I have been writing about lately is the point of Self-Direction from the perspective of slowing myself down to a Stop, so that I actually stop, and get out of my mind. I realize that there is no point in attempting to do what’s best from the perspective of doing this from the mind. I must stop and get here into the physical. And I am interested to see how this goes as well, to actually Stop, and see what this is like.
So I see the point of keeping it simple coming up here and not overcomplicating things, but rather just keep it simple and breath and be here. I noticed that I was carrying a belief around that “it is not possible to be Here in the system” meaning that because of how everything is set up in terms of the world system that it is not actually possible to be Here. I have realized that this is just a belief so now am in the process of living the realization I had that “wait a minute – I don’t have to live in anxiety all the time actually” So have really been pushing me to take my time with points past couple weeks. Like a turtle! lol.
Winter will be over soon hear in Canada and so I have one more month of doing snow removal and then that job will be over. And I must say I am actually quite grateful how this point has worked out so far. It actually supported me through the winter when I was not successful at finding a stable a job so this was a very cool temporary solution. Though it will be done soon.
Because of this I have been busy lately working on my Logo for the graphic design service. I have gone through many revisions to get to a point where I am satisfied with the “lay-out” and today a point came through which I was satisfied with and so will be able to move from this point now and also co-incidentally my paypal funds went through so will be purchasing the web-host asap and getting the graphic design point set up on wordpress.
Will be nice now to move into this stage and get some physical points placed to see how it will move. I really have no idea of the system will start generating money within the month, or if it will take three months or 6 months. I am still learning when it comes to doing stuff like this so I will find out as I go in a way. I mean I can do some preliminary assessments but then I am required to test the point in actual real 3d to see what is effective and what is not working etc… So what is here now is to simply get the basics laid out on the website and start by getting an “introductory add” together to get initial clients.
So if the point moves effectively within the next month and I see I will generate sufficient income for me to support myself then cool – when my snow job is finished on the 21st then I will be able to make the transition into this next business. Though if it will require more refining and time before it starts generating income then I will start around mid march to start looking for a summer job.
I have never tested the “graphic design” market before. It ‘seems’ like there many people that require this service though as I mentioned, I must test what I see, and what “seems like” the case.
So that is some points that I am busy with at the moment. And Breathing. Remembering to Breath when the surges of anxiety come up as a form of fear of not having enough money and running out of money and what if things don’t work out, and so when this occur, I breathe, and do not participate because there is no point to participating. I see these surges as my program, as my pre-design, as my mind, as that which is there to keep me locked into “myself as the mind” So I see that effective support Here is to Breath and remain Here, and move the physical. Movement of the physical is Key, and that this movement takes place once one is consistent and constant within their application, otherwise movement is slow or does not take place at all, so here this is where I use breath as a support within self direction and self movement and I move myself.
And I experiment and explore this application of breath as support to get myself here and stabilize myself Here within consistent application and movement of self here in the physical.
Andrew

Self Reflection on Consistency and Constancy

I have a sore throat at the moment. I haven’t experienced a sore throat like this in a while so it is a ‘new’ point. It is not overly painful or anything like that. It is just a bit tender and scratchy. I have been busy the last few days, and have been pushing myself to be more busy. Though within this I have realized that I must do this in breath otherwise I will crash, or fall, or end up in a battle with energy, attempting to fight energy and that I have found is not cool and not sustainable and not ‘constant’. So I have been seeing this point of breath, and Here and the physical as a cool reference point the last few weeks and have been focusing on slowing myself down so that I can actually start getting myself effective within my world and within this reality and actually live that which I up to now have ‘wanted’ to live but have not yet been able to practically live in fact. And this is simply to be effective within my reality and within myself. It is not to do something amazing or anything like that, it is just to be effective. I mean if I cannot be effective within my world in my application then there is no point of taking on anything else, so it is simply a point of getting myself consistent within my application and effective in my basic day to day tasks. I realize that I have to stop, that everything and anything I do is not going to be effective unless I am Here. So have been really pushing myself to slow down and get Here. And so push past my accepted and allowed energetic boundaries, doing this by not allowing myself to focus so much on energy. Obviously it is to stop energy all-together as I see it but for the moment I realize that it is still a process.
So I have not been able to be totally here the last few days. I see it like this… Like a treadmill, you can run and run and run and run and really work up a sweat running your ass off on the treadmill, but you actually never get anywhere. Rather Stop, and be Here, which means to step onto solid ground (the physical)and walk And then you actually move, and you do not have to run and race, because even in simply walking you cover much more ground than you ever did running your ass off on the treadmill.
I find when I am Here I am calm, but the last few days I have been in a bit of anxiety to and towards my world. Like over what might happen in the future or this week or tomorrow and making sure everything is in place. So I have been focusing on physical movement so I don’t get to the end of the day and think, “oh I wish I would have done that” though I have noticed that at the end of the day I still experience myself in a kind of rush to get each thing done, and so this is where I see the point of me not being here, as long as that little ‘twinge’ of ‘hurry’ and ‘rush’ exist inside of me, I am not Here.
Writing Self Forgiveness
I found with the Self Forgiveness that I was writing within the SRA course on mind constructs there was quite a bit, so I experienced a point of “a deadline” and found I tended to rush to meet this deadline instead of being Here when I wrote the Self Forgiveness.
Pushing to hard – I see I am doing this. I am pushing to hard, and this indicate I am moving and directing myself within and as and from the starting point of fear, as fear is the reason I push to hard, as “I must move” and it is that ‘must’ which is the point of fear and anxiety that “I am not doing enough” And so this is where I see the sore throat point coming in. As I am over extending myself trying to cover to many points at once instead of giving myself enough time for each point and then focusing on that point, and doing it and not allowing me to become distracted by the mind and go off on these little mind holidays, but rather focus on the task at hand, and direct the necessary physical points to complete the task and then move onto the next task. If something takes to long there is no point in going into fear over it as this only indicate that you/I am existing from a mind perspective, as within the mind, any “change of plans” is like the world ending. I see that within my world, I jam pack all these points tightly together in a day and think ok I am going to get this stuff done today, but I experience myself as if I am always “right on the edge” meaning ‘one little slip up’ and that’s it, my world will crash down.
And from a certain perspective this is true. This is how I have accepted and allowed myself to design and create my world, where there is no room for one little mistake because if this happens the chain of events might lead to me end up missing my rent or something like that, so this is a point with regards to how I have created my world. I noticed this before so it is cool to see this point again and realize Ok, I must direct myself within my world in such a way where I give myself some “breathing room”
The way I see to do this which I have discussed before is consistency and constancy. I mean if I can just remain constant in my application , that is like walking here in breath all day long instead of spending half the day speeding on the treadmill actually getting nowhere. I see consistency and constancy and more like nature, like the tide coming or even more, like snow.
Snow is fascinating because when it is snowing it can be this light fluffy stuff coming from the sky and you just observe it and it falls, it does not rush onto the ground, it simply falls and slowly but surely it accumulates. So slowly you can almost not even see it accumulate. And then in one single night as you sleep the accumulation of the snow – not rushing – but just falling flake after flake brings an entire city to a halt and then there is a massive amount of attention and energy that must then be directed on this point. So slow and steady

Having a Closer Look at my Day – Desteni Process Blog

I woke up to my alarm this morning at 6am…I got up and looked out the window to see if it had snowed. It had not so this meant I did not have to go out to work, which I was not expecting anyways. So I got back under my warm covers telling myself it was only for a moment. I laid there and allowed the point of possibly falling back to sleep all the while attempting to motivate myself through thinking to get up and out of bed. I eventually got up at 6:45. I experienced anger and guilt. But not allot, where I find the longer I sleep in past my alarm then the more anger and guilt I experience, depending also on where I am “in the cycle” meaning if this is a repeating point then I tend to become more angry and have more guilt. Ok so I was up and was a bit angry with myself but not much I can do about it now.
I don’t see, or have found that I am not able to “forgive myself” for doing this, because that would be like trying to forgive yourself “after the fact” for doing something instead of applying forgiveness in the moment to support self to push through a specific resistance. The correction for this point as I have I am sure mentioned before is to simply stick to the alarm and stop allowing myself to short change myself when I see I am capable of doing something.
On my way to work this afternoon I decided to stop and get a coffee which I often do when going to work, I noticed as I pulled up into the parking-lot that I experienced a little electrical experience of excitement rising out of my stomach and into my chest area, like one of those “sparkler thingy’s” that you light and they fizzzzzz and shoot off bright sparks all over. This was definitely a positive charge from the perspective of maybe possibly seeing someone that I might find attractive working or being in the cafe, so it is like this aspect of relationship still existing inside of me which “pops up” in moments because I can see that this seemingly small electrical charge that came up is actually connected to the relationship point and sex point.
As I walked towards the cafe from my van, In one moment I lost my footing on the ice and nearly fell but adjusted my feet in time to catch myself before I fell. I experienced my ‘ego’ come up immediately and showed me how extensively I was/am existing within my ego personality from the perspective when I slipped I experienced embarrassment as now my ‘image’ of who I was in that moment existing as completely shattered, as in that moment I was cool and collected, and serious, and professional, and precise and surely do not slip on the ice and flail my arms all about to try and re-gain balance. So it was a physical movement point here to in how I move within my specific presentation. Such a fuck up as the “Flux” I experienced as movement as embarrassment was quite allot from my perspective which indicate the degree I was not Here but rather existing as an ego, and I am seeing to also how this become more prominent as I go out in public. Upon entering the cafe I experienced immediate relief within myself, like a point of inner relaxation come over me as I noticed it was a male working the till, as I experienced fear that there may be an attractive women working the till. This is actually quite an odd point. Ok so I experience excitement within myself that I might encounter an attractive women. But then I go into fear over this point to the degree where I tense up and am no longer myself at all, and then when seeing it is a male working the till, I completely relax and am able to “be myself” otherwise I would just be this robot locked in fear if it were an attractive women. So yes obviously this point requires specific direction so that I no longer have this reaction at all to women but rather get to the point where I am not longer controlled by this point but that I am directive, here, myself, with no matter who.
I Got my coffee and went, I did not tip, felt a slight negative charge, guilt, what will they think that I did not tip.
Coffee was perfect. I was pleased and looked at the person who made my coffee thinking he is experienced at his job and is stable in making the coffees and so got a cool coffee.
When I got to work I again experienced that slight excitement within rising from my stomach into my chest, this was due to a worker that I have not yet met but only know of and wondering if today maybe I will meet this person and what she might look like. So same point as before, relationship and sex. In these moments I simply breath and do not go into the point. Sometimes I go into it but I realize the point is to simply not, to breathe and just breathe and support self to remain here with and as self and stop all participation in energy, this is the understanding that I apply.
You know, what goes up must come down. I am seeing this point now as well within my writing here from the perspective of writing from and within the starting point of energy where in if I build up all this energy to write a blog and then launch myself into it, it is like this rolling ball of momentum until the energy runs out and then the blog is over. Rather I see the point of being constant and consistent within the point of writing where I support myself by not accepting and allowing myself to go into energy when I write as what goes up must come down. So within this I can support myself in my process as I do much writing and have been exploring this point of remaining Here within and as the physical as I direct myself within my world and in this case writing as a way to be more consistent and not “burn out” all of the sudden.
So will be cool also to just expand this point and identify all the moments and points within my world where I access energy and to stabilize myself here by rather than moving within my day within and as energy, I direct myself within and as the physical and stick to the physical and breath as I walk. It is quite interesting to see how extensively I have existed within energy in my life as I always considered myself to be “more stable” and not so much energetic but am now seeing that I live much of the time within and as energy, and so to step out of this “existing as energy” has been cool, and from a certain perspective has only just begun. This entire reality is based on energy, on positive and negative and so will be pretty cool to see how it goes in terms of walking the process of “stepping out of energy” from the perspective of being directed and moved and influenced by this but rather where one direct oneself Here as Life as the practical consideration of what is best for all. So it is a change in principle so to speak, from the principle of directing myself according to energy, to directing oneself according to what is best for all.

Wanting The Future Now Instead of Directing Myself HERE

I experience a pressure right in the center of my back. I had this point come up a few weeks ago as well where I experienced a tension and a pressure in my back which was quite uncomfortable so now this is the second time this is coming up so am able to now see it before it happens in a way, before it compounds.
The last time this occurred it was somewhat of a new unexpected experience where now its like, “Heeeeyyyyy, I know what is going on Here”
The last time this pain point in my back compounded until I threw my back out or tweaked my back by really doing nothing but what I do most days in working on the computer etc. The point became so painful last time that I literally spent an entire day in bed watching movies as I experienced the point as a kind of “Red Light” saying slow the fuck down. Though I don’t see it in exactly the same way this time around though I am able to now see that I am heading exactly towards the same point which was a shock last time to have the pain become so bad that my back just gave out and went all stiff. Manifesting literally within only some hours. Almost as if I am holding a giant sphere made of concrete and it is soooooo heavy and I just stand there holding it and holding it and holding it until eventually my back just snap under the pressure. Its similar to this but a “mental experience” And the pressure is more “energy based” which I experience as a building pressure in the centre of my back.

Hummm – to much “Holding Back” perhaps.
Ok Perspective.
I have been doing more research over the last two days into the graphic design point exploring ways in which to set up the business. I have now been moving into this point slowly over the last three months and so am “getting there” and found this last week have placed a more pointed focus and direction onto this point to get the thing moving. Focusing specifically on the my own logo to start with and I must say I am soooooooooo enjoying working on this and exploring the Adobe illustrator program – Lots of cool points opening up here with what is possible with this programs…anyways…
Because I am in the preparation phases still I am really making sure I do the proper research and placements so that the business model/system will actually work effectively within this reality.
I find that within this there are moments that I become quite excited as I move into the explorations and start to see all this possibilities opening up of what could potentially happen and having certain realizations or seeing how points will fit together and function, and I get soooooo excited that I can hardly contain myself, I am like a wide eyed kid standing in the window of a Candy Shop. Well maybe not the best example. My experience is that I start to see different “potentials and opportunities” that could come from this direction but that these potentials are months even in some cases years away and require much much much much practical preparation, application, walking, and basically, physical direction, meaning the points actually have to be practically walked in the physical step by step, point by point thoroughly and completely and effectively in order to actually facilitate and bring through/manifest these potentials that I see possible into this physical reality in fact so that are physically Here…But I want it all, NOW, ooooooooh and I get so excited, lol.
Ok so this is where I see the pain in my back emerging from. It is a form of attempting to extend oneself/myself into the future. Which is not physically practically possible, its like I am just trying so hard to get there that I strain myself and I in fact strain myself so much that such a point like this emerge as what is happening now with my back and what happened a few weeks ago which literally sidelined me for a few days. STOP! That was the message. Its quite the same as when one have a cool insight come up in a moment and before they loose it they want to write it down real quick and so end up stumbling over the letters in a mad pace and end up with a jumbled mess with all these “red lines” underlining these funny looking words that are definitely not how you spell those words. It is basically the point of getting ahead of oneself.
So I have to remind myself that these things take time. I am not used to that, I am used to immediate results and have not actually before taken on actively the creation of “Long Term Points” which is how I see this Graphic Design Business.
I mean I can slap the thing together and have it up and going asap, but I mean WTF, rather, breathe, be Here, Stop rushing, take my time to investigate each point thoroughly and absolutely so that I build a fully intact foundation with no cracks or weak links. Rather establish the necessary relationships to ensure an effective system. And so that is what I am busy with at the moment, still in the early preparation phases of the point to see how “it could work” So there is both excitement and uncertainty, doubt, and within all this I see it is most effective to remain here within common sense practical considerations and move the point in the physical and take as much time as I require to do it effective so that it will stand and I am not attempting to make up for it later on which is a point that I see has happened on different occasions within my life.
One point I started with is using the “7 Steps of Creation” in how to create a system in this world. This “7 steps of creation” was a recording/document place by Bernard for us to use when we (matti, Cameron, Katie, Darryl, anna and me) were on The Farm exploring the point of developing the Software business. So it is a cool guideline and I have found it practical to have “a way” to do something otherwise its like I don’t have any direction so to speak. So using this “Seven Steps of Creation” as a template model in preparing the Logo Design Business has been cool support in these initial stages.
The best advice I can give myself right now is to take the necessary time that it will require to do it. Do not attempt to cut corners, slow down, if it take months more than it takes months more. Allow myself to be thorough, do not “lose my way”/”Give up” or “Lose hope” because it seems like nothing is happening, remain focused on the task at hand, and consider each and all points in detail and specificity. Don’t expect to have it done slap dash and ready to go. Breathe and focus on the points that are here and direct myself within consistency to get each point that is here moving and directed. If I access any point of rushing – that is not acceptable as that is only indicating that I am missing points. If I am not stable and calm in my application and direction, realize that I am not giving Me or the point the consideration it deserves. Why not create something for once that will stand and that will in fact work, move, and flow effectively within this world. Rather do not cut myself short by trying to take the quick version route. I simply have to walk each step in common sense – not hope, and not allow myself to go into the point of being directed by fear instead of practical common sense seeing, that is where I have to trust myself. And also to have patients, enjoy myself, and be unconditional yet ruthless on the point.

Capitalism Creates Unsafe Work Conditions Killing Little Girl Bystander.

3 Year Old Girl Killed by Falling Debris From Construction Site.
The local newspaper here in Calgary Alberta Canada reported on an incident of a three year old girl that was killed by getting hit with “bundle of steel” that the wind apparently ‘blew off’ the roof of a hotel-condo project…Must have been strong wind to move a bundle of steel? Ok won’t get into that here.
So the Firms involved in the projects are now in court facing fines and penalties up to 15 thousand dollars. Which they plead Not Guilty.
This Scenario has ‘prompted’ the City and Construction Industry to look at “New Safety Options” And also the city has proposed new legislation changes that would increase fines for “construction site safety violations that threaten lives”
It is interesting how “normal this all seems” and there are so many layers of ‘deception’ in what seems like such a normal scenario to have taken place within our world.
Creating more rules and laws and safety regulations is Hilarious as what it is actually implying is that Human Beings are not able to be responsible for themselves or others and are in fact not at all aware of their physical environment and so require a rule or a regulation to follow as without this rule or regulation they would most likely place themselves and others in Danger, this being done at the moment “In-The-Name-Of-Money” as We are absolutely blinded by money and will push ourselves to the limit to the point of risking our own lives, and at minimum, our physical well being, simply to “get that extra bit of cash.

I suggest the City Review its Stand-Point in relation to the current monetary system – though I suspect that this is actually in fact not even being seen at all by those who are running the city on behalf of the people.
Obviously each one that is Here on this earth is Responsible for what is here and the point does not fall to any specific group per-se, though the fact that “The Solution” by “the city” is to “Raise the Fines” as a way to prevent such ‘accidents’ is an indication of the “Lack of Insight” into the actual “Systematic Problem” which is perpetuating more and more accidents like the one mentioned above. This “Systematic Problem” Being the Money System, a System managing the world based on profit as a motivator.
What you end up with is “Movement” occurring with the primary driving force of “Making Money”.

Because “Profit” is the primary motivator and movement generator of the world you have companies that are willing to push to the absolute limit to attempt to Generate as much profit as possible. Because at the end of the day, it is just to easy for someone in some boardroom somewhere to based a decision on money and Demand certain outcomes because it is better for his pocketbook, not actually giving a fuck about whether it is safe or reasonable or at this stage even physically possible – That is one of the interesting elements that money brings to this existence – is that it is Not Related to Actual Physical Practical Reality. It forces people to stretch themselves and move torrid paces to attempt to reach unrealistic goals. So for example at 5:00 o’clock it is time to go home and you are just glad to have the day over with. After all you have been working at a torrid pace all day for your daily wage while some guy in a suit sits in an office setting the pace by making unrealistic demands and gets 10 times as much money as you. Its possible you would feel Why would I “give that little extra effort” I own this man nothing. I am just trying to “Make a Living” and fuck I work hard for my money, I work hard so I can enjoy my “time-off”, and so, when I am walking out the door and notice a “bundle of steel” sitting a little too close to the edge of the roof (not to mention the other million hazards that should be directed” …I allow the thought of “It will be OK” I will move it tomorrow, besides I want to get home and see my family – And so now this Steel Fall during the weekend and crush a little girl to death.
We are all responsible for this scenario. Each and everyone of us.
As we blindly accept the current world and current system the way it is and just “go along with it” as if it is normal – I mean the fucked up thing is that it is actually Normal! And that’s what’s messed up – What we have accepted as normal is an absolute atrocity and Living Hell Death Zone.
So Suggest to Investigate an Equal Money System, as with an Equal Money System – Profit as the primary motivator for production, for movement, for expression will be eliminated. And Rather Doing what is best for All, what is best for humanity and Supporting humanity as a Dignified Life become “why we do things and how we live” This will require a Massive Process of Change, yet what is fascinating is that this Process is already Here which is Fucking Cool. The Fact that I can already speak and write about a Solution to this world is interesting indeed. And this “Solution” Is what is being proposed and introduced by Desteni as an Equal Money System and also the Desteni I Process – Changing the Rules of Money So that Incidents like the one mentioned above can be stopped, as One now, within a world managed by an Equal Money System, no longer have somewhere else better to be, or placed in situations where they want to “Just get done with it” but rather creating an environment where even the experience of oneself within work will greatly change so that one has a reason and purpose to make that extra effort so speak, And that reason and purpose is Life, is Self Integrity and What is Best For ALL. As an Equal Money System will Bring ALL these aspects of this world to the fore.

Research on Equal Money System – http://www.equalmoney.org

Investigating this point of Discipline Further.

Investigating this point of Discipline Further.
I see that I have not been living this point of Self-Discipline, which is why I would then exist within a point of projection/desire towards the “Desteni Farm” (Mentioned in Preceding Blog)Because when I was on the farm, this “point of Self-Discipline was from my perspective being lived much more by me.
So the farm represented that actual potential of one actually being self-empowered and can actually create oneself into a highly effective being within this reality – And that is the point that I am not at the moment living within my own world.

What this entail specifically is that I desire to actually change and transform myself, and to become an effective being within process. This process of myself started to emerge while I was on the Desteni Farm, though I do remember I experienced points of dissatisfaction within myself towards “my application”.
At the moment in my world this Self-Change is not being lived. It is only being Desired to be Lived. So in Essence this point of Self-Discipline as I have determined as “the point” is The Key to Self Change. So contained within this point of Self-Discipline there are different aspects of “what this entail” or who I would become if I lived this point of Self Discipline.
I am seeing a point of “worthiness” now coming up with regards to if I were able to change myself that I would be worthy. And I would actually be satisfied with myself as I would be an effective being.

Here also with this point of Self-Discipline and Self-Change is the point of ‘Perfection’. Which again I am not living, and that also the same as Self-Change is related to the base point of Self-Discipline as the point that is the Key so to speak to bringing forth both of these aspects from the perspective of “a point” that I require to walk in order to, in essence, actually be satisfied with myself and which will Support me to Stop the desire and projections that have been coming up lately with Regards to Being on the Desteni Farm.
The point to walk can be encompassed Here as walking Self-Discipline.
A point which I can walk as a focus point to assist and support me to actually change, to actually be creating myself, and perfecting myself in such an application where I actually enjoy myself and am proud of myself so to speak. And am worthy in my own eyes so at the end of the day I look back on what I did, and do not regret that I was not effective enough, because I actually am, day in and day out, living the point of Self-Discipline within this process within my world, within myself, to the degree where I am satisfied with me and do not allow myself to go into points of despair or depression, within and towards myself.

I see the point of Living this Self-Discipline within a “Physical Application” where in I cannot just say for example, Live 21 days Self Discipline, I mean what does that entail? From a Physical Perspective I can Live 21 days of blogging, because that is a physical measurable point. And within the point of Living Self-Discipline I see the necessity to ensure that I am living this through that which can be measured, through my Physical Application or Actions.
So in essence Self-Discipline in itself is not tangible though within living Self-Discipline I focus on that which is tangible, that which can be measured. This way I ensure the changing and transformation of my world, where my “effectiveness” then is a physical application of self which can also be measured and is not some idea, but and actual physical manifested point so to speak.

If I look at my application of self on the Desteni Farm I see that I applied myself in the physical much while I was there, where my Self-Discipline was based in my actual physical movements, for example, I became more effective in working in the physical because I actually physically placed myself in doing practical physical jobs. I Became more effective in communication because I wrote more, and did more reading, and also speaking more to beings. So it was a physical application of Self-Discipline which Supported me to actually See Results. An actual accumulation of Self where I was actually changing myself so that I became more effective within my world, my actual physical world, and seeing experiencing results. Seeing the Change of Self.
I See that this process of creating oneself actually takes years and years of constant and consistent self disciplined living action day in and day out, thus it is not to have to rush this application as that is not the point at all. I mention this Here as I see that I have the tendency to become possessed by the point of Haste/Hurrying within my attempting to live Self Discipline so am placing this here as I see in order to get myself effective within this point that I will have to “sort out” this point of accessing Haste/Hurry, as this only ever lead to me to being ineffective, and crashing instead of simply Living the Point of Self Discipline as myself, Here within and as breath, consistent and constant as this what I see will support most effective in my application. Self Discipline is not Rushing, it is normal application. I do not have to move faster, but rather just apply myself more consistently in the practical points that support me within perfecting self and perfection my world.

Investigation of Sleep And Dream about Art coming Crashing Down

So what is this “sleep point really” last night as I went to bed I experienced myself as being ‘more tired’ and ‘less here’ and usually when I experience myself this way when going to bed, it is likely that I will not get up in the morning when my alarm goes off but allow me to sleep in. This experience of self is simply me not directing myself but more like having already given in to the mind, and am more just “surfing along” in observer mode. And so this morning I slept passed my alarm and laid in bed not getting out. Just lying in there and drifting in and out of sleep. Instead of immediately directing myself when I wake up on the first breath, where I take a breath and direct me out of bed, no matter what I “would like” to do.
There is a slight resistance towards “my world” and so stay in bed as really this point is a point of me avoiding self direction. Like in bed is place where I am safe from having to direct myself, as its like a safe zone, and I just lay there like a zombie ragdoll blob not having to direct myself in any way but can just exist in the mind in dreams, and thoughts, and blankness. There is not responsibility while I lay there, so when I get up, I have to face responsibility.
Also I find a tend to drift in and out of sleep and dreams, and the very moment I allow myself to “close my eyes” and “drift back into sleep” I am essentially “giving me over to the mind” as I drift back into “my dreams” my alternate reality that is the mind, and not being Here within and as the physical in self direction.
But it is interesting to see the connection of this point of “sleeping in” to the night before where its like “I know within myself” that I will probably sleep in, and I go through the motions of setting my alarm and saying to myself I will get up, but when the window of opportunity arrives in the morning, I close it shut as to prevent and stay warm in my blankets. The warmth being a justification as to why I am not getting up. Every morning there is a momentary opportunity to direct myself into my day. It is very rare that I ever sleep in “by an accident” mostly I always wake up to the alarm and in that moment have the opportunity to direct myself or not.
So days when I direct me more, and am not “allowing the mind” but more directive here in my day to day actions of self, I find it easier to wake up the next morning and immediately direct myself.
Dream
Last night there was a section in my dream where I was standing on a roof top with my easel and painting equipment and I was setting up to make a painting, I was standing up on the very peak, very high up on this roof top and there was not allot of room to be up there, but I was ‘insisting’ that I be up there, and so I was getting myself set up and all of the sudden my entire set up slipped from the roof and crashed down to the ground in a big heap, smashing into the ground quite far below. I stood on the roof-top and looked down at those on the ground and realized that ok they were right when they mentioned that what I was doing was not so safe, where I had ‘insisted’ that it was fine.
So it was quite interesting this point within my dream, particularly in relation to the point of Art within my world. I mean the rooftop is exactly the same shape as the “A” in art where I stood on the peak of this rooftop setting up my easel and painting equipment and then suddenly the entire point lost its footing and came crashing down.
Art in my world has not stable footing. At least this is how I experience and perceive the point within me, and so the dream in a way is showing me “the standing” of Art in my world. On the roof top I had a high view of everything, and I was on top essentially and had to climb up the ladder to get there to the top. Standing in the peak, though there being not enough room, so having to be so careful as to not make a mistake and knock off my painting supplies, which eventually happened on its own.
Art is precarious
It is a risk
The place of art in my world has been quite an interesting process for me of late. As I see it going more and more away, where I do art much less, and from a certain perspective find it has not “practical place” within this reality. When I do art, my life becomes precarious, and it is a risk. Particularly as I attempt to utilize art to support me to generate an income and practically support me within this reality, In doing this I find my world becomes more precarious and uncertain , there is no stable footing as art does not support this stable footing within this world at all, which was illustrated in the dream as the “Art” essentially crashed down and destroyed itself, as there was/is simply not enough room for art in my world on the rooftop.

Easel
Easy
Ease
All
E-Sell

Rooftop
Roof
oo
Roo

The Rooftop symbolizing “being on top” in the system. And Climbing up the ladder to get to the top where I can have a view of everything, and look out over the world and have a wide view of everything, and there is simply not enough room for me to “take art along” as it “does not belong” or able to also exist on the rooftop, on the top, as there is simply not stable point for it to stand.

So of late in my world, my focus has been on money, and business, and looking at the current way the system works, and directing myself within my world to be effective within the system, and no more focussing on art, and as mentioned where art is actually becoming less and less in my world. Where I no longer spend my “free-time” to do art, but am at the moment looking at art from the perspective of generating an income with it, meaning, the art I do will be in relation to a point of making money, and thus, art is becoming less and less, as it simply is not sustaining itself from the perspective of having any relationship with money what so ever.

So some interesting points in relation to Art (that which I apparently loved the most) basically becoming ‘non-existent’ in my world, and taking one final crash down.